After All This Time
by Not Your Girl 555
Summary: Summary Inside! But trust me, it's good. AND OF COURSE! RATED M FOR A REASON GUYS!
1. Preface

_**Hello Readers! **_

_**Wow, I am back sooooo soon!… **_

_**Well, that is what you get for great ole summer vacation!**_

_**Now, about the story.**_

_**Before you start reading, I want to tell you, that this is just a preface, so don't panic about the length. Chapters will definitely be much longer. Personally, I like the idea of the story. Hope you will find it interesting as well. **_

_**Here's the brief summary:**_

_**Sakura and Sasuke have been married for 8 years. However, Sasuke only married her, so that he could restore his clan. On one of the missions Sakura is injured and has a near-death experience. This makes Sasuke realize just how stupid he had been.**_

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Naruto (starts crying)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

PREFACE

Death is easy. Life is a war. That I have learned for sure. The blood that drips down along the path I walk on is inevitable and uncountable. This blood, it just marks my life crimson.

I am sick. This I know for certain. And no, not physically. To my great misfortune I am in quite a well physical condition. It is my mentality, my sanity that has been damaged.

They say, that life is all about ups and downs. But call me a pessimist and I will still tell you, that I haven't seen happiness for the last ten years. The only time I have ever felt something close to it, was five years ago, when my sister had her happy ending with a man she loved with all her heart. Unfortunately, the feeling lasted for mere seconds.

I am selfish. I assume so. I have broken hearts of so many people. But, everyday I ask myself. Would it be fair, to use somebody just to fade the memories of him? For, I am aware that, he will never vanish in my mind. How could he? He is my husband after all.

I am sentenced to this. Every time I close my eyes there is a vision of him. Every night I dream of him. Every day I look through his photos. Every night, I pray for him. Every night, when he does not come home, I clutch his picture close to my heart.

I have insomnia. I never sleep. The only times I do is, when I cry myself to it.

I am insane. Because, the only brink to sanity I have ever had does not even care whether I am alive or dead.

Oh, how I have fallen. I don't know who I am anymore.

I hurt people.

But despite my desperation, do you know what the worst part is?

Awareness.

It strings my very being. Making my soul explode into million tiny pieces.

I know of my every fault, and I still do the same.

Never believe the ones who say, that people change.

Because, my confidence in the statement has brought me to my present condition.

Don't get me wrong I do not regret my life choices.

I have been independent for a long time now.

If I think, the only person I had ever been dependent on was him. It never did change with time.

Just like my personality. How ironic.

So I was saying, that I was very aware of the consequences, when said 'I do' all those years ago.

Even if my life has been a tale of misery and failure for years, I cherish every moment I have had with him.

And you know why?

Because, I love him.

He had always been the one. No matter how cheesy that sounds, it is just the truth I can never turn my back on.

My only reason for not taking my life are my children - Ami, Lily and Itachi.

I think there is enough said about me.

Oh, almost forgot.

Hello, my name is Sakura Uchiha.

_**That's all for now. **_

_**I'll update ASAP **_

_**Read & Review Pleeeeease!**_

_**Not Your Girl 555**_


	2. Life At The Uchiha Household

_**Hello Readers! **_

_**Here I am, back with the first chapter of my story. **_

_**I hope you like it. **_

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Naruto. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

Chapter 1: Life At The Uchiha Household

"Mama!…. Maaaaa!….." - Cried Lily, my youngest daughter from the playroom of the mansion.

"Sweetie? Is something wrong?" - I asked entering the room, where two of my children, twins, Itachi and Lily were playing.

They were four years old and absolutely adorable. Itachi had obsidian eyes and jet black hair, tied in a low ponytail and Lily had pink hair and emerald eyes, just like me.

"Maa, Tachi won't giiib mer my dowl " - wailed Lily.

Itachi just smirked and hned. God, he was too much like his father.

"Now, now Ita-kun don't make your sis cry, give her a doll." - I reasoned.

"Aa." - he replied, his voice giving a hint of amusement as he fulfilled my order.

I sighed and walked out of the room.

My eldest daughter, Ami is in academy. She is seven and is a genius just like her father. Though, in characteristics she is just like me. She's kind, caring and smart. Her sharingan developed when she was only five. She is the love and light of the teachers in Academy. Ami's extremely sociable. One more trait of mine. She has a lot of friends and enjoys their company. She is the only child in our family who surely looks like she is _our _daughter not _only his_ as he has a habit to say. She has emerald eyes and black hair. Her skin tone is pale, her face contours are sharp like her father's, her lips full and beautiful shade of pink, again just like me.

Sasuke always looks forward to spending his time with children. He is an amazing father. How ironic? Who knew his ice-cold heart could ever melt? To be more precise, I think, it is _me_ he hates, since only _I _am the one either ignored _or _abused mentally.

One thing I can never accuse my husband of is physical abuse. He has _never_ hit me, or touched me somewhat roughly, well if we don't count sex.

God, how much of a bitch karma can be? As a little girl, my head was full of images about how Sasuke and I would be a real family, loving each other, cherishing every single moment we'd have. Every single night, before I went to sleep, I would clasp my hands together, pull them close to my heart and would whisper in the night:

"_God, please I ask you for no more, please, please let him be happy, and if there is any chance for us, I swear, I will do anything to keep him from any kind of misery"_

I would let the whisper wander, let it mix with the silence of my room. And I would always believe, that my whispers were not left unheard by God. Bitter, now that I reminiscence about this.

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn't fallen in love with him. If I deep down on the subject, I might have had a real family, a loving husband… tempting idea, is it not?

But if I hadn't chosen this certain path of life, I would be ignorant of so many amazing things.

I would have been deprived of

_His scent…_

_His velvety voice…_

_His beautiful, god-like features…_

_His not loving, yet smooth touches…_

_Feel of his skin beneath my hands…_

_Sound of his heartbeats…_

I might have never known

_What it is like to love unconditionally…_

_What it is like when you'd sacrifice your life for a person you love…_

_What it is like do drown into passion, even if not mutual…_

_What it is like to see, feel, touch the lives you have created with the man you love…_

_What it is like to look at your children and realize just how much of a resemblance there is between them… _

When I say, that I do not regret anything, I mean it in every way.

And even if I _did_ sacrifice my happiness for his warm heart, even if it is for our children it was in every way worth it. Even if I do get angry, frustrated and sorrowful at times, he will always be my Sasuke-kun, my first crush, my first love, my first motivation, my first kiss, my first and last lover. He is, if nothing else, father of my children. When I married him I vowed to be with him _"to have and to hold, from that day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us apart."_

And I intend to keep that promise, no matter the price.

The day passed quickly, I did all my chores and looked after children. I also made sure, that Ami had all his homework done for the Academy. I tucked them into the bed and gave each of them a goodnight kiss. I then went to my room, I was alone today.

Sasuke is on a mission as always. He is a workaholic, that is for certain.

'_Or maybe, he doesn't want to spend time with you'_

A voice in the back of my mind said. I sighed, the truth is bitter, but lies are much worse. Especially if a person lies to herself, just like me.

I sat on the bed, already clad in my white, silk nightgown, which went to my mid-thigh and had no straps. As I have mentioned, I have insomnia, I can't sleep, it's especially hard, when Sasuke is not home. It's not like he cares, but the music of his strong, steady heartbeats is like a lullaby to me. So there I sat, thinking about the past years of my life.

Suddenly, I heard a click of the front door. I stood up cautiously. Sasuke-kun had a three-day mission, or that's what my best friend and as a matter of the fact the current Hokage, Naruto had said to me yesterday. I went to his and Hinata's house yesterday, when Sasuke suddenly packed his weapons, put on his ANBU attire and left without telling me where he was going. Not that he ever does though. Most of the times, he does not acknowledge my existence. Except for when we are in public, which is rare. As I descended down the stairs, I couldn't help but remember…

_Flashback: 8 Years Ago_

"_Ne, Sasuke-kun, which dress do you think I should wear at the spring festival?"_

"_Hn. You're not going"_

"_What, why?" - I whined, placing my hands on my hips - " I want to go so much. And it's not fair that you are going and I'm -"_

"_Would you shut it you worthless bitch?" - Sasuke yelled. Making me shiver "Would you really like to know? Huh? Because you are ugly and I don't want anyone to see that damned face of yours you unsightly wench! I am ashamed of you!"_

"_S-s-sasuke-k-kun" - I choked on my tears, wanting to kill myself for being so incompatible for him._

"_Do not Sasuke-kun me bitch, the only reason you are here is to clean, feed me and fuck with me to restore my clan" - he said, before he darted out of the bedroom, leaving me to grieve over my misery, as I fought back silent sobs._

_Flashback End_

Tears welled in my eyes as I remembered, how could I forget… I was so hurt after that. I became self-conscious, I still am. And since Sasuke never misses a chance to remind me, it never gets better.

As I finally reached the hall, I found none other that the one and only Uchiha Sasuke standing in the hallway, taking off his ninja sandals. He glanced up at me, taking in my attire. I sighed, preparing myself for a snide remark.

To my surprise, he advanced towards me, with an infamous Uchiha trademark smirk plastered on his unfairly handsome face. I raised a brow, confusion, evident on my face.

"Sasuke-kun?" - I questioned, silently making him understand what I wanted to know.

A silent grunt was all I got as he suddenly scooped me up in his arms, sprang me over the shoulder and made his way towards our bedroom. As soon as he entered he threw me on the bed and began to rip off my nightgown.

"Sasuke-kun aren't you hungry? Tired? Why are you home early? How-"

"Would you shut up?" - he asked, more ordered as he finally removed my nightgown and instantaneously started sucking on my skin. He bit down on my neck and my collarbone, making me scream out in pain.

He looked up at me, a sadistic gleam in his eyes made me shiver. When I did not respond as he wished he growled at me:

"Damn, woman, is this how you please your husband?" - the phrase instantly snapped me out of my reverie. I half-smiled and switched our positions, so now I was the one on top.

Even though Sasuke was a dominant type in sex, just as in about everything, he was never satisfied, unless I pleasured him. He never thought doing the same to me. Of course, he didn't. even when we had sex, it was all about him. If he came first, then he would leave me unsatisfied, would get under the covers and sleep. I would curl up into a ball and shake with cold. Not because of the room temperature, but because of the loss of warmth. For having intimate intercourse with him was the only way I could feel close to him and even if it lasted for mere minutes I was always determined to make the best of it.

I shook my thoughts away and focused on unzipping his ANBU vest. As I pulled it off I made a quick work on his black button-up shirt, exposing his toned chest and six-pack abs to me. I traced his chiseled muscles with my small hands, making him groan at my touch. As I started to suck and nip on his skin, I couldn't help but wonder.

Sasuke didn't love me, right? Yes. He didn't care for me, right? Yeah. So, why the fuck was it, that my touches, caresses, soft kisses, which by the way I was just trailing on his lower abdomen, were making him respond to me like this? Even after his insults about my looks, Even after eight years of our marriage, he still _wanted _me. And Sasuke was NOT the type of a man to bed every woman. Yet, he never seemed to be bored of me, or my ways with him. I guess, that is an advantage. I smiled to myself as I reached the buckle of his belt. Unclasping it, I tugged at his black pants. He jerked his lower body upwards, helping me pull them off.

I massaged his erect manhood through the material of his blue boxers. He groaned at the sensation, which made my grin grow wider. I teasingly tugged at the hem of his underpants, making him growl lowly at me. With one swift movement, I ripped them off and before he had any time to complain, squeezed his cock in my hand. He grunted loudly as I began pumping him faster and faster. After few minutes, when he was ready to orgasm, I pulled my hand away. He looked at me angrily, opening his mouth to say something. However, before he did I licked tip of his member, making him groan instead. I cleaned his tip of all the pre-cum. I gave one slow lick to the whole length, before taking him fully into my awaiting mouth. I set an agonizingly slow pace, bobbing my head up and down, swirling my tongue around his hard shaft. Seems that he couldn't take it anymore, since he fisted his hands in my hair and bucked his hips, groaning all the while. I sped up, going faster and sucking on his penis, while my hands massaged his chest, pinching his nipples once in a while. Soon, he came hard in my mouth. I swallowed every last drop of his cum greedily, licking him clean.

I panted for my breath, but before I had time to recover, he switched our positions and plunged his cock into me making me scream at the sudden intrusion.

"Fuck" - he cursed. "You're so fucking tight." - he growled lowly at me.

'_That's because we haven't had sex for over two months' _I wanted to say but stopped myself. Instead I moaned, when he started sucking on my nipple, swirling his tongue expertly around it, while increasing his pace. When we had sex, he was always rough, going fast, hard and deep. Not that I complain, but it would be nice to be treated gently at least once in a while.

"Saaa-aaahn…" - I moaned as he hit my spot. The knot in my stomach tightened, signaling that my release was close. After one more deep thrust, my walls clamped down on him, squeezing his cock as we both fell over the edge, panting heavily and trying to regain our ragged breaths.

He pulled out of me immediately, standing up and going to the bathroom. I lay there for a few moments, my eyes closed. Eventually, I got up, folding his clothes neatly and taking out a new nightgown. I turned off the lights and went to bed.

After a few minutes Sasuke emerged from the bathroom quietly. As he neared the bed, I closed my eyes, not wanting him to see, that I was awake. It always made him uncomfortable, when he woke up, or came late and I was up. He stopped at my side, looking down on me.

"Che, useless woman." - he whispered before he got under the covers and fell asleep.

I stifled a sob after his comment. After all this time, I was supposed to be used to his remarks. However, it still hurt as if a stab in my heart. Tears slowly made their way down my face, caressing my cheeks, my lips and then disappearing, only to be replaced by new ones. I suddenly remembered the day he demanded that I marry him. He promised me something that day and unfortunately he held his word.

'_Sakura, you must understand, that I never loved you, nor do I love you now, and nor will I ever. In our family, there will be no sweet caresses, no kisses, no 'love-making.' You will do everything I request from you, without second thoughts. You will retire from your work, you will not see your friends, if not special occasion and you will not talk to another male if not absolutely necessary. And when I say male, I mean Naruto and Kakashi as well, understood?_

I smiled sadly at the memory. After our marriage, I stopped being sociable and became an introvert. Sasuke, to this day forbids me to go out with my friends. He says, that I have no time to waste on them and that I better do my job as a housewife. Only when he's on long missions, am I able to sneak out to see them. Naruto is often around, and since our kids are friends, I can still keep my bonds with him. I have become good friends with Hinata after she married Naruto. At least, when I take kids out to the park, Sasuke lets me talk to her, since we often go together.

I cried silently, scared of waking him up.

He would never love me, that was for sure.

Then why, why did I marry him even after his promise?

God, the things love makes people do.

_**Read & Review Please! **_

_**I will update soon, if I get many reviews. **_

_**Thanks to the previous reviewers. **_

_**Not Your Girl 555**_


	3. Bitter

_**Hello readers! **_

_**After the long wait, I am finally posting the next chapter. **_

_**Thank you all for reviewing. **_

_**You are amazing. **_

_**However, I am really keen on reading your feedbacks, so I would appreciate if you will not be lazy to leave more and more of them. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto.**_

_**This chapter is T rated. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 2: Bitter**_

Life is, for sure a strange thing. It's vicious, bitter, unforgiving and yet, so dear, so priceless to every human. Us, humans, we are the strangest creatures in the world. We claim, we possess, we pollute, we hate, we avenge, we never seem to forgive fully and yet, we are never able to wholly give ourselves to love. Day by day, it becomes harder, more opposed to love, to cherish, to care. We rather give in to minutely passions, momentary lust, animal, primal instincts, which lead us to the most unfathomable, unforgivable deeds. We find it hard, to forgive, however, we find it much harder, much unintelligible to understand. Humans, draw further and further away from each other, sinking into their dark, selfish world. As the world develops, we become less of a humane and more of a wild creatures.

Life does not give second chances. We are born for once. We never have more opportunity. And those, who don't take them, seize them, while they have time, are fools. The biggest cowards are the ones who run from problems by taking away their own lives. We can't hide forever in our shells. They are too fragile. Piece by piece, they will shatter and if we do not ready ourselves for it, exposure might blind us with its light.

The sun slowly, almost undesirably rose higher and higher on the baby blue sky. The first rays of sunlight hit and brought to life the village of Konoha. The birds started chirping, delighted by such a beautiful start of a day. The sun caressed every flower, every tree, every living creature within its range.

The Uchiha manor was overflowing with children's delighted cries of happiness and rapture. They were still kids, pure, untainted children, with no worries, no sadness, no emotions besides positive. Oh, how happy are the child years, nothing can ever compare to them. And it's such a misery, that we don't realize at a time, too eager to grow up. Only after years, with experience of this cruel, cruel world do we reminiscence and regret, wish and would sacrifice anything to go back, to be as careless and happy, as then. Because, once the rose-colored blindfold, that keeps us from seeing reality and lets us see through the eyes of a doll is removed, it never comes back to us. Never.

"Maaaaa" - whined Lily "will the bweakfast be weady thoon?"

"Quiet down Li, ma is already doing it, don't make an extra fuss" - spoke Ami, with sisterly seriousness.

"Sure, sweetie, just be patient, five more minutes."

Yesterday, after my little encounter with Sasuke, I barely fell asleep. Today, as always, I woke up next to an empty space. Judging by the coldness of it, it was evident, that he had gone a long time ago. Not that it was in any was surprising. He woke up at six A.M. every morning, well, every morning that he was home. If he did come back early, all he did was to play with children and ignore me. I sighed bitterly. After all these years, I still couldn't get over the fact, that he had no feelings for me at all. I must really be annoying and worthless, if I couldn't make him at least care for me throughout all these years.

I fed my children and packed Ami lunch for the academy. After I got Lily and Itachi to their playroom, I started on my chores. My hands and feet led me automatically, already too used to housework.

When Sasuke and I married, he made it clear, that I had to give up a career of a kunoichii. He said, I quote, that _'he would not have an Uchiha matriarch wandering around the world, doing nonsense, while the housework remained undone'. _However, I still had shifts at hospital and went on medical conferences and rare missions, if the other team medic was unavailable.

I was just finishing my daily business, as there was a knock on the door. I quickly made my way to hall, unlocking the door. There stood my ex-sensei - Kakashi in his ANBU attire. He still had that stupid mask on and my mind floated back to the times, when Sasuke, Naruto and I would wonder what was hidden behind it. As time passed, Kakashi and I became good friends. That is, until Sasuke and I married. After that, he insisted I stop interacting with male population of the village. So we drifted apart. However, I loved him dearly. He was one of my best friends despite the age difference.

-Hello Kakashi.

-Good afternoon Sakura.

-Come in, please.

-I'd be glad to catch up with you, but I am here on the orders of Hokage-sama.

-Oh, he wants to see me?

-Hai.

-All right. I will be out shortly.

-Sure. I'll wait for you.

I skidded down the hallway and up the stairs. I entered my room and quickly changed into more proper clothes.

Kakashi and I made our way to the Hokage's office. The walk was full of silence. All of the unspoken words exchanged in simple gestures. Kakashi was a great friend. He understood me. Respected my decisions. With no questions asked. And I was grateful for it.

When I opened the door, with my ex-sensei following right behind me I saw Naruto's face was angry. It's like he was arguing with someone. My eyes searched for another person in the room. There, in all his glory, stood my husband. His facial features were one of the deep scowl. Something was not right. I could practically smell the tension in the air.

I searched for any kind of acknowledgement in his eyes. However, as usual, none came. There was only a deep murmur of my name. on the other hand, Naruto's face softened and he welcomed me with his usual cheeriness, though his smile never reached his ocean-blue eyes.

-Sakura… - he began. - As you probably know, Village hidden in the mist is holding an annual medical conference.

He was right, I did know.

-Of course, I am aware.

-Your presence is required there.

I heard Sasuke growl and mutter something underneath his breath.

Naruto was on his feet in a flash, his expression absolutely furious.

-This is quite enough _Uchiha_. We have discussed this and decision is not to be changed. Understood?

-Whatever Dobe. - he sneered, his voice dripping with venom.

-Naruto, is there no one to take my place? There are plenty of qualified healers in the village. And I have children -

-Sakura, firstly, the only healer I would trust with this mission is Hinata. However, she, as you are aware, is pregnant. Children will be staying at Hyuuga compound with me and my wife. You will be accompanied by Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Sasuke. This is final. No more complaints. You leave in two hours.

We all agreed. I did not want to question Naruto's decision. His tone told me, that the matter was not open for discussion. However, as I made my way towards the exit of his office he called out for me.

-Sakura, stay for a moment. I'd like to have a word with you please.

Sasuke stiffened beside me, mimicking my gestures. He was about to follow me back in, when Naruto spoke again.

-Privately. - he said, his eyes flickering to Sasuke. Kakashi, of course long gone.

Sasuke opened his mouth several times, wanting to argue, for sure. But eventually, he slipped out of the room, giving us some privacy.

-Trust me, I will not take long. I just wanted to tell you something.

-Of course, go ahead.

-Sakura, I am extremely disappointed in the way of your life. However, who am I to judge? Just answer me on this sole question. Is he worth everything?

I felt lump rising in my throat. My eyes burned with the force of unshed tears. It took me several moments to find my voice.

-Yes. - I replied firmly. Trying my best for my voice to be firm. It was not the uncertainty of the answer, no regret. I just wanted to bare my soul to him. Tell him exactly how much I would miss out on, having not married Sasuke.

He held his head high. His jaw set.

-All right. You may go.

I turned to leave and once again he stopped me.

-And Sakura? - he said.

-Yes?

-Take care.

-I will. - I assured him as I slipped out of his office and made my way towards the Uchiha compound.

When I entered the house, it seemed quiet. I slowly walked to my room, only to be met with my husband packing his things. He did not notice me as I went in. I silently slipped into the bathroom, craving hot water, which could hopefully relax my tensed muscles.

I was right. As I slipped into the shower, I closed my eyes and gave into the force of my emotions. Tears slowly trickled down my cheeks, and I flinched at their touch.

I do not know how long I stood there. Nor did I care.

Eventually, Sasuke's voice broke my emotional reverie.

-Sakura. - he shouted. - would you fucking come out already? It is enough that I am stuck with you on this mission, and now we will be late because of _you_.

I instantly hopped out of the shower, closing off the water. I dried myself off with my towel and put on my normal Jounin attire, minus the jacket. Instead I wore black tight shirt, with an Uchiha symbol in the back. I put my hair into a messy bun and fixed my hitai-ate on my neck.

I exited the bathroom and came face to face with my angry husband. He eyed me suspiciously for a moment before he scoffed and laughed.

-Do you cry all the time?

-I - I… s-sorry I… just… - I stuttered, bile rising in my throat once again.

-Save your damn excuses for yourself. After all these years still so weak, so worthless. Piece of shit.

I froze at his insulting words.

_Don't cry._

_.Cry._

_You._

_Are._

_Not._

_Weak._

_Good things come to those who wait. _

_Patience. _

_Someday he will care for you._

_Someday, maybe, just maybe he will love you. _

With these thoughts, I tried my best to keep calm. I did not even believe any of it anymore. But, I needed something to hope for. Just anything.

I made my way to the closet to pack my things.

-Be downstairs in ten minutes. - Sasuke said, well, more like demanded.

I just nodded.

Before I could blink, he was behind me, turning me around and gripping my wrists harshly.

-When I speak to you, answer me. Do not disrespect me ever again, you worthless piece of scum. - he snapped at me. - Understood?

-Yes. - I whimpered and he let go of me instantly. He was out of the bedroom in a flash.

I looked down at my wrists. They were already changing colors. I was not too surprised. I was bound to have bruises after his iron grip.

I swallowed hard as I continued packing.

Finally, after I put everything together, I opened my bedside drawer and pulled out my diary.

During the years of living in despair and misery, during many sleepless nights filled with tears, this little notebook has been my only release. It was like a best friend to me. Every single word written there was complete truth. This diary was keeper of so many secrets, I lost count. I picked it up quickly and put it inside the bag.

I quickly made my way downstairs and into the hall, where Sasuke was waiting for me. As I looked at him, I sighed. After all these years, his face was still void of emotions.

We silently walked through the streets of Konoha. People, as always stared at us. They always did. After all, we were 'The Famous Uchiha Family.' They often whispered how they wanted to be in my place. Being Sasuke's mistress, matriarch of the Uchiha name.

They also gossiped how ugly I was, how Sasuke could have done so much better. They still flirted with him, doing everything to get in his pants. Of course, they were after his looks, wealth and authority. He did not mind one bit, though. Whereas old Sasuke was annoyed and irritated with fan-girls, the grown one used it to his full advantage.

Yes, you heard right.

Uchiha Sasuke was not a faithful husband.

In fact, he was far from it.

He, of course thought he was being discreet.

Oh, how wrong he was.

At times, I wish I did not know.

At times, I just wanted to be a naïve, little girl.

At times, I wished to not know him so well. Because, every time he lied to me, I could tell.

But, if he found happiness in somebody else's arms, then so be it.

Who was I to interfere?

After all, I have only ever wanted for him to be happy.

I glanced his way, marveling at his stoic expression.

He was still so beautiful.

My personal angel.

_**Author's Note !**_

_**VIP! READ! **_

_**Soooo…. This is it…**_

_**I hope you liked it. **_

_**Well, anyway, I want to ask you readers something. **_

_**I have not been getting too many reviews on this story. So I have been wondering, maybe it is not interesting or well written? **_

_**I will post one more chapter after this and if reviews won't increase I will probably discontinue. **_

_**I don't know…**_

_**I will also put up a poll, so you can vote. **_

_**So, Read and Review I guess. **_

_**If reviews do increase I will, I promise update sooner and forget any thought about discontinuing this story.**_

_**Later!**_

_**Not Your Girl 555 **_


	4. Turning Point

_**Hello, Readers!**_

_**I am back!**_

_**I have just returned from my summer vacation and I am posting the new chapter right away. **_

_**It was written during the vacation, by the way. **_

_**Well, just so you know, this is the last chapter with Sakura's point of view for a while. **_

_**As the chapter title tells you, this is the turning point.**_

_**So prepare for more drama and much, much more angst from the next chapters.**_

_**Hmm, so this chapter is kind of a mixture of a fluffish angst. I know, strange, but….**_

_**So, I will say no more. **_

_**Disclaimer: I No Own Naruto. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 3: Turning Point**

Konoha gates appeared all too soon for my liking. I do not know why, but somehow, I was not happy to leave my home village. Usually, I would have been ecstatic.

However, something was nagging me today. Some tiny voice inside of my head was telling me to turn around and go home, go to my children and forget this mission. I was honestly trying to be reasonable, but my reasoning always seemed to fly out of the window when my intuition was involved. People say, that I have an amazing intuition. I can most certainly agree with them. In the matters not regarding my husband, I can almost foresee future. Some villagers even believe I am a fortune-teller. Just how ridiculous can gossip get?

This is why, the sick feeling in my gut was making me so nervous. It was becoming frightening, really.

As we reached the gates, Kakashi was already there, reading his favorite, perverted book. God, some people never seem to change.

-Yo! - he greeted us.

Sasuke regarded him with silent greeting and a nod.

-Hello sensei! Wow! You came on time for something! - I chirped, trying to act as cheerful as my façade would let me. After years of thorough practice, I learned to be fake.

Kakashi chuckled deeply.

-Well, Sakura, what do you know? Miracles do happen, ne?

-I wish they did. - I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Both, Sasuke and Kakashi stared at me.

My ex-sensei's eyes were full of sympathy and understanding. He always knew. He just did.

After all, I learned from him to look underneath the underneath.

Sasuke's eyes, once again, brought me immense sorrow. There was irony, arrogance and dark amusement in them.

Eventually, Kakashi spoke.

-So, ready to go? - he asked. I sighed in relief when he did not press on the subject.

-Yeah, sure. - I replied quietly, not so confident in my answer.

-Then, let's not lose time. - he said, starting to walk out of the gates, with Sasuke trailing behind him.

I have a tradition, to take the last look on the village, before walking away. This time, though, something seemed different. Shiver took my body, and as I turned around, I felt as if this was the last goodbye.

We ran in silence, for what seemed like hours. As the time passed, it started becoming more and more uncomfortable. The tension in the air was thick, unspoken secrets burning my throat, begging for release, begging to be spoken out after all these years.

It was past midnight when we finally decided to camp. If we left till dawn, we would reach the destination until midday. That left us few hours of sleep, for which I was grateful. The day had been long and exhausting, I could barely stand. I needed to be concentrated for tomorrow's conference, so I would need all the rest I could get.

We had two tents. One for Kakashi and one for me and Sasuke. However, he chose to stay awake, keeping the watch. Of course, he would never pass up the opportunity to not be close to me. I felt the lump in my throat rise at the thought.

_No time for crying, moron. _- my inner self interrupted. _- you need to rest no matter what. So get your ass inside of the tent and fucking sleep. _

So I complied. I slowly crawled inside and after much struggle, due to my insomnia, finally slipped into unconsciousness.

I woke up with a start. Somebody was shaking me violently. As I opened my sleep-fogged eyes and let my vision clear, I saw my husband. His expression was somewhat stoic, even more than usual. It was his eyes that brought me terror. They flickered with brutal, animalistic emotion, with need to set his inner beast free. I recognized it well.

From the forest of death so many years ago.

From when he wanted to kill Naruto.

From when he used to talk about his brother.

_Oh, God…_

I knew…

We were being ambushed.

I sprang to my feet momentarily, fetching my bag of kunai and shuriken and carefully slipping outside, Sasuke right behind me.

There were six or seven of them. Their chakra was absolutely unknown, their attire nomadic. They were rogue ninjas. By the flow of chakra, water specialty. They were quite strong.

And.

They.

Were.

Attacking.

Kakashi was right in the middle of the battle. Sasuke joined him wordlessly. I faintly saw one of rogue sprinting to my direction and instantly got into the fighting stance. I pulled out my shuriken and threw. He dodged. I repeated the process with kunai and it barely missed his shoulder. Our distance was slowly closing.

-Water Style: Aqua Spiral Jutsu! - he yelled and a water spiral came crashing down on me, taking me in, wanting to drown me into the endless oblivion. I acted just in time. I quickly did the hand signs and shouted:

-Fire Style: Fire Lion Jutsu!

My fireball in the form of a roaring lion came to life. It stopped the flow of water immediately. I took the advantage of the distracted rogue and with my kunai slit his throat.

I looked around and suddenly saw Kakashi pinned down by another ninja. His right side was bleeding. He was clutching it tightly, trying his best to fight his opponent, but failing miserably. It was strange, seeing the one who taught you so much, in such position. Immediately, I sprinted towards him. I gathered chakra in my fist and hit the rogue. He went flying a few meters away. I ran after him and in mere seconds, with my chakra-infused finger hit his artery. He was dead in millisecond.

I instantly ran to Kakashi and began healing him. His gash was deep, spread all over his side. I pushed chakra in my hands and tried to stop bleeding. It took much of my chakra, but finally the bleeding stopped. I sighed in relief and quickly bandaged my wound to prevent it from re-opening.

-Thank you Sakura. - he said, his voice hoarse.

-Don't mention it, sensei.

His visible eye crinkled, indicating me of his smile. I smiled back at him as I stood up, my eyes searching for my husband.

Finally, I spotted him.

Sasuke was fighting the last ninja. I took in his appearance and gasped. He was bleeding. From what I could make out, he had a gash across his chest, down to his stomach. The ninja he was fighting seemed yet unharmed.

Sasuke did all too familiar hand signs.

-Chidori! - he shouted and lightening exploded, blinding my vision for a moment. It hit the ninja right in the heart and suddenly with a poof, made it disappear.

_Fuck. A shadow clone. _

Sasuke's eyes flared with fury as he looked around. His sharringan was activated, searching for the enemy.

I mentally countered.

_Left…. No!_

_Right…. No!_

_Front…. No!_

_Up…. No!_

This left….

Oh, God… he was under the earth. I searched for his chakra flow.

Yes!

He was right under where Sasuke was standing. His chakra seemed so strong, it scared me.

Before I could warn Sasuke, he sprang out of the ground and hit one of Sasuke's chakra points. He fell down on his knees.

_I had to do something…_

The ninja took out his Katana.

_God… He would kill Sasuke…_

Before I could come up with something I sprinted towards them.

_I have to get to them…. Have to save him…_

He raised his Katana.

_God…. Close…. So close…._

_Just a little longer…_

_Please…_

_Please…_

_Please…_

I was almost there.

_Just a breath away…_

He was about to plunge it into his body, when I got in between.

It was too late to stop him. I was supposed to take the blow. I closed my eyes and waited . Soon enough, I felt searing pain shoot through my veins. It took my whole body and reached its peak right across my heart. I clenched my jaw to keep myself from crying out. I gained my strength, got my kunai out and slit his throat, while he was distracted by the whole scenario. He fell to the ground, dead.

Immediately I looked behind me, only to find Sasuke barely conscious. His eyes were already closed, his breathing labored. He needed help and he needed it now.

I coughed hoarsely as I crawled him. I would not let him die. I could not. God forbid!

As I was about to begin healing him, I Kakashi stopped me.

-Sakura what are you doing? - he asked.

-I am a medic, what do you think I am doing?

-Sakura, you are wounded.

-So is he.

-You will not make it, if you use up any more of your chakra.

-I know. - I answered starting to focus chakra in my hands.

-I can not let you. - Kakashi retorted, stopping me once more.

-Kakashi, if he dies, I will not let myself live. But, if I die, he will move on with ease. - these words hurt me more than my bleeding wound, but they were true.

-Why? - My ex-sensei asked in a low whisper. For a moment, his visible eye flared with rage. - After all he has put you through, why? - he finished, his voice slightly rising.

-Because I love him.

-Enough to sacrifice yourself so that he can survive.

-Yes. - I answered honestly, without hesitation.

I coughed out again, this time blood flowing through my mouth. I felt its metallic taste on my tongue and was disgusted by it.

-Look, Kakashi, I do not have much time. You have to understand. Would you not have given your own life, if you could have saved Rin?

At my words, he closed his eyes, then reopened them.

-All right. - he said, so lowly that I barely heard.

-Thank you. - I said truthfully. - For everything. - added after a short pause.

With my last strength, I focused my chakra on my hands and began healing Sasuke. The more life returned to him, the more it was taken from me. I began shaking all over. I felt cold.

So cold.

After I finished, I fell on his chest, panting heavily.

I smiled softly.

He would live.

He would be happy.

At last, I would not burden him.

I could absolutely trust him with children.

He was an amazing father.

His eyes slowly fluttered open.

For the last time, I looked at his beautiful, pale face, now full of confusion.

For the last time, I looked deep into his endless pools of obsidian.

-Sakura? - he asked almost in an inaudible whisper.

-Shh…- I whispered back.

I smiled at him.

Slowly, I leaned in and softly pressed my lips against his .

So sweet…

Just for a moment, I felt content, complete.

I pulled away soon, too soon for my liking.

I coughed once more.

I shivered.

I could feel it coming.

It was so near.

I could almost hear it.

Smell it.

Taste it.

Death…

Such a strange feeling…

Awareness…

Knowing that I would die.

Be gone.

Vanished.

Like I never existed.

I briefly wondered if anyone would miss me.

My children…

And probably Naruto and Kakashi…

Maybe Hinata.

No, Hinata would definitely miss me.

Tsunade. My adopted mother.

For a millisecond, I hoped that Sasuke would feel a tiny bit of disappointment or agony after my death.

I could only hope.

At least, I would die happy.

Because, dying in the place of someone you love seems noble enough.

With my last breath, I whispered to Sasuke:

-Sasuke-kun… - I began. - I love you. I have always and will always keep you close to my heart. I do not regret anything. I am happy. Never doubt those things, please.

And with these words, I fell into the endless oblivion.

_**Sooooo… This is it.**_

_**I have already begun writing the next chapter. **_

_**Hmmm…**_

_**Oh, some of you may have thought, that Sasuke's fighting skills are underestimated. **_

_**However, that is wrong.**_

_**The fact is, that Sakura saw him after he had killed 3 or so ninjas and he got wounded, so his instincts were lowered.**_

_**By the way, his battles will be more detailed in the next chapter. **_

_**Jutsus, used here, except for Chidori, are not from the Anime. They were created by me. **_

_**About the discontinuing. **_

_**Thank you for your support guys. **_

_**And for the reviews, they are so sweet.**_

_**You are amazing. **_

_**I am still thinking though.**_

_**Tell me more. **_

_**Vote at my poll, please.**_

_**All for now!**_

_**Later.**_

_**Read & Review!**_

_**With love,**_

_**Not Your Girl 555**_


	5. Failure

_**Hello Readers!**_

_**I am back.**_

_**So soon, right?**_

_**I hope you're happy, because I have to work like crazy on this chapter. **_

_**I hope ya enjoy it. **_

_**Yup, fellas it is most definitely our ice bitch's POV. **_

_**Disclaimer: No Naruto!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 4: Lost**

**Sasuke's POV**

_Fuck!…_

_Fuck _this idiotic mission.

I groaned lowly.

God!… why did Naruto have to send me here?

Why was Sakura _of all medics_ supposed to accompany me?

Okay, I admit, that she is an amazing healer.

Probably the only thing she's good at.

_Oh!…_

That, and in bed.

Oh, she is a little sex kitten.

_My_ little pet.

_Mine._

_Mine._

_Mine._

But, I am never satisfied.

I have and will always want more.

Anyway, she is too imperfect for me.

Huge, strange-colored eyes…

Pink, fucking _pink_ hair!

For crying out loud, who on the face of earth has a natural pink hair?

Her skin is sickly pale in color.

And… She is absolutely annoying.

After all these years she is still like that.

_Irritating Little Child. _

Always the same.

The only reason I married her was, because she was a successful ninja. A healthy one. That meant good genes for my children. I wanted my children to be skilled and gifted shin obi. And Sakura was good enough to give them that. I had been right to choose her. She is sickly sweet and over-caring. For me, that is. For children that means positive. She is a good mother. I think.

However, there is one thing I am curious about. I am a terrible husband. I can admit that. I do not feel guilty, though. I warned her before our marriage, that things would be like this. She still agreed, right? It was her choice. Still, I often wonder, after my treatment to her, why on earth is she still with me? Surely, she could have a successful career if she left me.

I just wonder.

Maybe it is because of the children?

_Could be._

_Has to be. _

_But maybe. _- some tiny voice told me. - _she loves you. _

I laughed out loud.

_Loves me?_

Fucking impossible.

She had been a fan girl. In love with my looks, authority and wealth.

What has love got to do with this?

It does not even exist, for fuck's sake.

People are to selfish to understand how to love.

Unconditional love is just a dream.

Non-existent ghost of what should really be.

A ghost, which never comes to life because of our egoism.

The flow of my thoughts continued as I kept my watch. My sharringan was activated as I scanned the area.

_Clash!_

_Shuffle!_

_Clash!_

I immediately became hyperaware of the surroundings as the noises went on, drawing closer. There were six or seven of them. Their chakra was unknown. They were definitely rogue.

I knew, that they would attack us. So, I quickly dashed toward Kakashi's tent, intent on waking him up.

I did not like him much. Sure, he had been a father figure in my life, but since I had come back things have changed. He was close to Sakura. _Sakura. My_ Sakura. The one I chose to be the matriarch of the Uchiha family. I had _not _been jealous. That is just ridiculous. It is just my nature - possessiveness. I am an Uchiha - Uchihas do NOT like to share.

I have made it clear to Sakura that I did not want her to interact with the male population of the village. Especially with a pervert like Kakashi. It has always been hard to believe, that he only harbored parental feelings towards her. Sakura had been a wanted woman after all. Even now, when they have no relationship, they communicate somehow. Call it a fucking telepathy, but they honestly do. It is like he understands her, like he is aware of everything. It annoys the hell out of me. Sakura is _my_ woman, no matter what _and_ she will never get away from that.

After I shook him a little, he woke up. He must have sensed the ninjas, because he momentarily jumped to his feet, hurrying out of the tent without another word.

Next, I ran into Sakura's tent. God, why on earth was she asleep? As far as I know, she doesn't sleep much. Not that she complains, though. I shook her, she did not respond, so I put more force in it, shaking her violently.

Her strange eyes snapped open. She blinked them, apparently trying to clear her vision. She stared at me for a moment, her expression changing from confusion, to recognition. Suddenly, she sprang up, dashing out of the tent in a matter of seconds.

_What the fuck?_

I followed her and saw her already engaged in a battle. A kunai came flying right at me. I quickly dodged it and got out one of my own. I threw it at my opponent and it hit his shoulder, slightly scratching it.

-Ah, Sharringan user, so you are an Uchiha! - he said in a mocking tone.

-Kage Shuriken No Jutsu! - I said, making the hand signs.

A shuriken went flying on him. He dodged it, smirking in victory. However it did not last long, another shuriken, hidden in the shadow of the first slit his throat, before he was able to react.

_Look who's smirking now. Tche, idiot._

-Uchiha, do not get used to victory, you bastard! - another rogue yelled. - Kokuangyo no Jutsu. - he cried

Suddenly everything around me darkened. I knew this jutsu. Psh, what does he think sharringan is for?

With my eyes, I was able to search his location. He was on my right, with katana in his hand, running towards me silently. I turned so he was in front of me and started doing hand signs.

-Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu! - I whispered, so he would not hear.

I felt my throat burning instantly. I was already used to this. Years and years of relentless practice, I guess. An enormous fireball erupted from my throat.

-Ahhhh! - I heard the darkness start to diminish as the hell was burnt out from the bastard. - Ahhhh! Fuck you Uchiha!

I only laughed humorlessly. What did he think he could do? Kill me?

_Yeah, right._

I got into another fight. This one seemed more challenging, with quite techniques. While dealing with him I noticed, that Kakashi was injured and held down by enemy.

Wow, never thought I'd see him so helpless. I briefly wondered if this was the end of him. Something between bitterness and relief washed over me at the thought. Before my thoughts could go on, though I noticed Sakura run up to them and hit the ninja with her chakra-infused fist. He flew quite a distance away.

_Now, that is my girl!_

My girl? Now where the fuck did that thought come from?

-Chidori! - I yelled and hit my opponent right in the head, making his body split in two.

For an amateur, this would have been a devastating scene. For me, though, it was even a happy emotion. Being able to feel another's blood on my hands. Being able to feel so superior, my enemy dead, not breathing, all traces of life gone from him, his blood straining my hands, making me feel utterly powerful.

I glanced at my wife and found him kneeling towards Kakashi, probably healing him. I scoffed in distaste.

Her hands should _not_ be touching anyone's body. Especially _his_! She is fucking mine. _My _possession. I wanted to rip her hands off of him. I wanted to rip her clothes off right there, take her on the cold ground, in front of _his_ eyes. I wanted to mark her as mine, mark her for life. _He_ was supposed to understand, that she would never as much as have an option of looking at another.

I was about to do as I thought when suddenly I felt movement right beside me.

_Three_

_Two_

_One_

-The fuck! - I hissed as I felt an inexplicable pain right at my chest. I groaned in pure eina as a blade cut me. Blood started flowing out of my wound. I clenched my teeth, my jaw set in hard line.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell. _

_It is all her freaking fault! That is why I hate having missions with her. _

She has always been and still is a huge distraction.

It seems that I have no care for her at her.

At least I try my best not to have.

But she has to _still _find a way to make me care, care enough to make me furious, enraged, distracted and even concerned.

Me! Uchiha Sasuke. Being concerned over some female ninja. Who the hell gave her the right?

-What is it Uchiha? Not up for smiling anymore? - a mocking voice, full of irony asked me, ending my trail of thoughts.

I looked up at a rogue. His eyes were blood red, full of dark amusement.

-Fuck off. - I sneered at him darkly.

-Make me. - he challenged.

- Gladly. - I whispered. - Chdori! - I shouted and aimed my fatal blow at him. It hit him right in his heart and he disappeared with a poof.

_Fuck! A kage bunshin jutsu. _

I searched for him with my sharringan eyes. He was nowhere in sight. This only left….

Fuck. Underneath the ground.

Before I could react, he sprang up right at me with inhuman speed and hit one of my chakra points. I suddenly felt all the pressure from the wound and his last move. My knees gave in and I fell down.

He raised his katana.

Realization washed over me.

This was the end.

_My _end.

I have always thought what it would be like to die. As a ninja, especially an avenger, I had frequently considered dying. I have been on the brink of death all too many times.

This was the closest, though.

I expected a blow, but it never came. I willed my eyes to open and all I saw was a flash of pink blur.

_Sakura. _

I looked closely to the scene and saw the ninja on the ground, cold. I shut my eyes tightly. I was becoming weaker and weaker by the second… the wound was enough to be the end of me.

I thought of my children…

Amy, my big girl. She would be an amazing ninja one day. She was determined and skilled like me and sweet and kind like her mother.

Itachi and Lily were still so little… Lily could not even speak straight. I loved her misinterpreted words. My little and only boy. I could only hope, that he would be as loyal and strong as a man he was named after.

A picture of a twelve-year old girl, with big apple-green eyes and soft, candy hair blurred my vision. She was smiling innocently. Her hair cascaded down to her shoulders, bangs framing her face, making it heart-shaped. Her eyes were sparkling like emeralds. They were pure, untainted, full of joy.

The picture was suddenly replaced with the one of a beautiful woman. Her eyes and hair were of the same colors. Her hair, however was delicately pulled up in a tight bun. Her eyes barely held any emotion at all. They were void and broken. Full of what could have been, but empty of unfulfilled wishes.

These two pictures of the same female, made me feel something, something aside from anger and fury. It melted my heart in a way. It was incredible.

The change.

Had I been too blind to not notice before?

Or had I simply refused to notice?

Right now, I felt like I was going to dies unfulfilled. I would die unhappy, empty, just like her eyes had been.

I have always thought, that I would die in contentment. I have fulfilled my goals, after all, had I not?

But as unconsciousness began to slowly take me, all I could think of was _her_. Her eyes, her smile, her feather-soft touches, her annoying albeit caring attitude.

Her new image ran through my mind once more and I could see that I had failed.

Failed to be a man.

I inhaled.

Then exhaled.

My head spun as I opened my eyes.

_What?_

_Oh, yes._

Everything suddenly came rushing back to me. I had died. I briefly wondered, if I would get to see my brother. I wanted to apologize.

So much.

I made a move to get up, but noticed, that a soft weight on my chest was holding me down.

I let my vision clear, as I looked down.

Vibrant green eyes were staring up at me.

_What?_

Sakura.

Wait, Sakura?

-Sakura… - whispered in confusion. She was looking at me intently. Her face was pale, paler than I have ever seen. Sickly pale, even. Her lips were purplish, as if she was cold. She was shivering badly.

-Shh… - she whispered back.

Suddenly, so suddenly, that it gave me no room to think, she leaned in and pressed her soft, plump lips on mine. What I felt at that moment was absolutely irrevocable, inexplicable and unimaginable. For a moment, I felt whole again. Like my puzzle had been solved, like all the pieces were fitted together at last.

Soon.

Too soon for my liking, she pulled away and whispered:

-Sasuke-kun… I love you. I have always and will always keep you close to my heart. - why was she telling me this now? - I do not regret anything. I am happy… - what was she not regretting? - never doubt those things.

And with these last words… her eyes closed… and she fell unconsciously on my chest….

-Sakura?…. - I whispered uncertainly.

In the blink of an eye, she was lifted off of me. I looked up only to see Kakashi staring back at me. His face was scrunched up in grief.

-What?…. What is… is going on?

-Get the hell up Uchiha. Your wife is dying.

_**A/N: Time To Go, Guys!**_

_**School starts next week and I will not be able to update for quite a while. **_

_**So I am sincerely sorry in advance!**_

_**Thanx for your amazing reviews!**_

_**Later…**_

_**Not Your Girl 555**_

_**P.S. Read and Review!**_


	6. In The Nick Of The Time

_Hello Readers!_

_I am back! Finally! (insert a happy dance here :) _

_I am so extremely sorry for such a long wait, but I have my reasons. I had been soooooo busy that I had no freaking minute to get round to this. However this weekend I decided that enough was enough and wrote this. _

_You have been so amazing with your reviews. Thank you so much!_

_I hope this Chapter lives up to your expectations._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, it would be much more focused on Sasusaku. _

_Enjoy!_

**Chapter 5: In The Nick Of The Time**

_**Sasuke's POV**_

I... I probably cannot even finish the sentence... I was what? Angry? Confused? Nervous? Anxious? Shit, I do not even know...

Here I am, sitting in this fucking hospital, inhaling its sick smell, which makes me want to vomit, thinking how royally fucked up situation I have gotten myself into. When have I lost control? How could I have allowed this? She was supposed to be under my protection for fuck's sake! She was supposed to come back without as much as a single scratch! She was supposed to annoy the hell out of me! She was supposed to be smiling and talking in that sickly sweet voice, which made me shudder at times... she was, by now supposed to be fussing over my children, making up for the lost time...

But no... She was in an operating room... With Tsunade at her side... She was unconscious, on the brink of death, her heart barely beating... She almost died. If it had not been for me and Kakashi... Well, mostly to my speed, she would have been dead...

I do not, to this point know what happened. I have asked Kakashi, who is, by the way sitting right beside me, dozens of times and have gotten one and the same answer: 'not now, Uchiha.' I have been making up a basic outline of what could have been, though. Probably, Sakura was wounded before she killed that rogue who was about to murder me. She then must have collapsed due to the wound and chakra exhaustion. But... that does not explain how I am still alive. Meaning, how my wound got healed. She surely would not have taken such risk as to heal me in her wounded state. Of course not. Impossible.

But her words... and that kiss...

_No! Do not think of that!_

Fuck this life.

Fuck Naruto for sending me on that mission.

I knew that something bad would happen.

-Teme! – Here he comes. _Shit._

In came Naruto, breathless, his Hokage uniform hanging off of his shoulders. His eyes were blazed over; his face was a mix of fury and grief. It was hard to look at him. I had never seen him like this. Before I can even blink I am pushed up against the hospital door with Naruto's now blood red eyes glaring at me.

His face is sinister….

His demeanor unforgiving….

His words menacing….

-Fuck you Uchiha! How the fuck could you? I fucking sent you there to defend her and you do what? You allow her to be almost fatally injured. You bastard. I know that you did not love her whatsoever, but did your ice-cold heart at least not feel sorry or protective of her? For fuck's sake! She is your WIFE! Why did you let her do this? Why? Why did not you stop her? Are you really that selfish?

Now I am lost….

I have no idea what he is saying…

Yes, I had failed to protect Sakura… But why was he only angry at me?

And why was I the one to blame for this?

I had been injured the whole time….

I had been fighting….

How could have I foreseen her injury?

So I yell at him back, letting up my pent-up frustration…

-What the fuck Naruto? Why are you acting like it is my entire fault? What should I have prevented her from doing? You make no fucking sense!

For a brief moment I catch Naruto looking in Kakashi's way. As if seeking some confirmation in his eyes. Suddenly, his grip loosens and he stumbles backward mumbling 'Oh's, followed with incoherent sentences. He opens his mouth to say something. But he is cut short by Tsunade's massive form appearing in the hallway.

I am by her side in the blink of an eye, with Naruto and Kakashi close behind me. She seems to understand my unspoken demand and starts to whisper:

-Sakura… Her condition was terrible… - she pauses and immediately I fear for the worst result. My life had never given me an opportunity to hope… so I dare not… - however, we managed to bring her back…. – I release a breath I had no idea I had been holding…. – but… she is in coma….

I want to ask but Naruto cuts me short.

-Tsunade-baa-chan, when will she wake up?

-We do not know…. We can only hope that Sakura will fight through this…. – I can hear despair in her voice. She seems devastated. Sakura is like a daughter to her.

-Of course baa-chan! Our Sakura is a stubborn kunoichi, she will not give in!

Ah, Naruto optimist as ever….

Though as I listen to him, I notice that his voice weavers… he is broken by this as well…

-When can I see her? – I ask.

-Not tonight Sasuke. Go, get some sleep…. It is late, I will have them let you in tomorrow morning.

I want to protest, but once again the dobe beats me to it.

-Yes, Sasuke, I believe it will be better if you come with me now. I have certain issues I need to discuss with you.

-Hn.

I follow Naruto blindly and by the time we get to his office, I have no idea how we managed to reach the destination. I do not remember running or walking or anything, for that matter.

As Naruto takes seat, he motions to me to do the same.

Before I can ask the reason for this meeting, he speaks:

-How much do you know about the happenings yesterday? – I note that his voice is unusually, even forcefully calm.

-Not much. I was on a watch when I heard some noise. I activated my Sharringan instantly and scanned the area. once I felt rogue ninja, I went to Kakashi's then Sakura's tents to wake them up. Afterwards, I jumped in the middle of the battle myself. Then everything happened extremely fast. I remember being wounded, I thought I was going to die... then when I somehow woke up... – I paused here, almost telling Naruto about the kiss. The dobe was not required to know these details. – Sakura was lying on my chest and when I asked what was going on, Kakashi alerted me, saying that Sakura was dying. – I finished my mini-speech, not even making the sense of it myself.

-So Kakashi kept silent. – Naruto mused out loud.

-Silent? About what?

Suddenly Naruto's eyes snapped up to my face. His face held unusual worry and concern in them. Something was very wrong.

-Sasuke I want you to sit down.

-Why?

-Just do it, please.

I did as I was told, though I found all of this extremely strange.

-Sasuke. – Naruto paused. As if looking for the right words. – Kakashi, with his Sharringan transferred the memory of yesterday in my head. Right now, I want you to use your Sharringan on me and see that memory. Something happened and I believe you have every right to know.

I stared at Naruto. He was being utterly serious. So I complied.

I activated my Sharringan and drowned into the memories of the dobe. There was no resistance from his side. I wish there were. By some strange reason, I was afraid to find out the truth. Some twisted feeling in my gut was telling me I would not like it. In the swarm of memories I found the one I was looking for.

Suddenly I was standing in the middle of the battlefield.

I looked for myself.

My gut twisted in disgust.

I was on my knees, the murderer hovering above me.

I was so helpless. The scene made me sick to my stomach.

I looked to the other side and saw Sakura. Her eyes were wide with fear, then determination. In a matter of seconds she was running to the rogue's direction.

I briefly wondered what technique she used to kill him.

Death was so close to me I could almost taste it. My eyes seemed pathetic, my face awaiting the final blow.

The rogue raised his Katana. His bloodshot eyes were absolutely merciless. The smug bastard had a cocky smirk on his face.

Just as he was about to plunge it into my body a pink blur got in his way.

Two things happened at once.

The ninja hit the ground, dead.

Sakura fell to her knees... her eyes dilated... her face unusually pale... her petite hands were clutching her heart... why was she doing it? Suddenly she started coughing... violently... her hands shot up and...

_Oh _God.

_No fucking way..._

_She did not, did she?_

_But she was healthy before... before... _

I closed my eyes as the reality slapped me in my face. _Hard._

Sakura had taken the blow for me. She was bleeding for me. She had a wound because of me.

I was interrupted from my inner musings, when I saw myself hit the ground with a soft thud. Immediately, Sakura crawled by my side. Her wound long forgotten. She coughed again, this time blood flowed out of her mouth. She looked at my face as if considering something vital and then her face filled with determination. Though, before she could carry out whatever task she had in her mind, Kakashi stopped her. Fucking Kakashi. Being nosy everywhere.

-Sakura what are you doing? - he asked.

-I am a medic, what do you think I am doing? – My wife answered. No shit, Sherlock. She was going to heal herself.

-Sakura, you are wounded. – She knew she was wounded, that was why she was going to heal herself.

-So is he. – Yeah I- Wait, what? I listened with my mouth hanging wide open.

-You will not make it, if you use up any more of your chakra.

-I know. - She answered starting to focus chakra in her hands.

-I can not let you. - Kakashi retorted, stopping her once more.

-Kakashi, if he dies, I will not let myself live. But, if I die, he will move on with ease.

-Why? - My ex-sensei asked in a low whisper. For a moment, his visible eye flared with rage. - After all he has put you through, why? - he finished, his voice slightly rising.

-Because I love him.

-Enough to sacrifice yourself so that he can survive.

-Yes. - She answered honestly, without hesitation.

-Look, Kakashi, I do not have much time. You have to understand. Would you not have given your own life, if you could have saved Rin?

At her words, he closed his eyes, and then reopened them.

-All right. - he said, so lowly that I barely heard.

I almost lost it right there. What the hell? He could not... would not let her do this... right?

-Thank you... For everything.

With these words she her hands started to glow green. And he just stood there... Watching... As her life was taken and mine returned...

I just could not stand there...

This was too much...

I wanted to run to her, to make her stop... to tell her I was not worth it... but I stood still... Unable to move. Because I knew that nothing would be changed. Because I knew perfectly well that reality was harsh... It had already happened.

I could take no more... Very slowly I deactivated my Sharringan... The images of the devastating memory fading away...

It would not help though.

What I had just seen would forever be wretched in my own memory...

When I my vision was clear enough to see, I noticed Naruto. His face was sympathetic, pitiful. But I did not need his pity I wanted Sakura.

_My _Sakura back.

Abruptly, I got up, turning to leave. I had to get as far away as possible. This room was suffocating me.

-Sasuke, wait!

Naruto called after me.

-What? – I gritted through my teeth.

-We... Kakashi brought back Sakura's backpack. I thought you might want it back... – he trailed off.

Probably, there was nothing special inside of it. But even a small hope for clinging to her was enough to make me take it from his hands.

Suddenly, a thought hit me.

-Naruto... Do the kids... do they know?

I asked staring at him. His face contorted in pain and his blue eyes filled with yet unshed tears.

-Well... Actually...

Before he could finish I heard the door click softly. Then, I was met with the beautiful apple-green eyes.

-Daddy?

_A/N: Cliffie! Sorry could not resist. _

_I will be busy and it will be quite a while till I update but..._

_Just know that your reviews make me want to write faster!_

_Read and Review Please!_

_Luv_

_Not Your Girl 555_


	7. Rights

_**Well, Hello readers!**_

_**Oh, you have no idea how happy I am to finally be back. **_

_**I swear, I am half-alive. **_

_**I had been having exams non-stop from 20**__**th**__** to 27**__**th**__**. Seven fucking exams! And can you imagine cramming for them? I swear, it was a pure torture.**_

_**Well, what can I say, IB does that to you.**_

_**Anyway, I want to wish you Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! **_

_**I love you and wish you good luck this year. Thank you for being so patient with my updates. I will try to squeeze in another update before the end of this month. Because, then I will be blown away by tons of work to do. Again. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own NARUTO!**_

_**Now, on with the story. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 6:**

_**Sasuke's POV**_

-Ami…. - I whispered, as I saw my eldest daughter walk in the room. I briefly closed my eyes my thoughts making up every possible way to explain the situation to her. I knew not what to do. Sometimes it was hard even for me, an Uchiha to cope…

-Daddy! - he exclaimed once more, running directly into my arms. I hugged her, even though I was not the one to show emotions. At that moment, however, I somehow felt that he needed my closeness, my comfort.

In our family, Sakura had always been the one to provide the kids with care, comfort and love. I loved them in my own way, silently. But now… there was no Sakura… and there was no love of hers… so I had to fill up the void somehow.

-Dad? - Ami asked suddenly.

-Yes? - I replied.

-Dad, where is mom?

Shit.

Shit.

Fuck.

So, Naruto had not told her….

I sighed. I had the responsibility to explain to her.

-Ami, sit down please. We need to talk.

-okay. - she replied. Her voice is tiny, scared and suddenly my chest is full of guilt and remorse. I am afraid as well.

-Ami… Mom and I… we were on a mission and she… couldn't protect herself and she became almost fatally wounded. - Ami blinks…. Naruto glares. He fucking glares, but I don't care.

He can go fuck himself.

I would not object.

I am in too deep to come back.

Ami seems to come back to reality and suddenly, I am thrown behind by my seven-year-old daughter. She is screaming the words I blatantly fail to make out. She is fisting her hands in my shirt and then… oh-so suddenly she slides down my body, hitting the floor with a soft thud, while curling into a tiny ball and shaking violently… my senses are suddenly on hypersensitivity and I pick her up and sit on the floor with her in my lap… hugging her to me, trying to convey to her with my actions that everything will be alright. When in reality, it never will. When in reality, I know that once again I am a liar.

But my pride once again gets the best of me.

I cannot show the vulnerability.

I cannot tell her that I needed Sakura's protection.

I am too fucked up to feel.

I am too fucked up to be a man.

By the time she is more or less consoled, she falls asleep.

I stand up and make my way out of the office, but before I do, I hear Naruto's menacing voice.

-Fuck you Uchiha.

He does not yell, not even raise his voice a little. No. His voice is even, too controlled, devoid of any emotion at all. His voice sounds like mine. And it scares the fucking hell out of me. He does not need to be like me.

I avoid all the stares I get. I avoid thinking about Naruto's final words. Because they stung and they are annoying and they are said with a fair reason.

But I am too screwed to care.

I take Ami at Hinata's. Lily and Itachi are there as well. They are happy to see me, but the minutes pass and they demand their mother. I tell them the same things I told Ami and suddenly Hinata is not all that friendly anymore. Her eyes blaze over with fire as she tries to keep calm.

How ironic.

I never knew Sakura meant so much for her.

The twins cry. It hurts so much.

I abruptly stand up and announce that I have to leave. Despite the anger, Hinata understands. I am grateful.

I go without direction. I have no idea where I am going, but after half an hour I wind up in front of the hospital. I enter with quick steps and demand to see my wife at the reception table. The nurse seems intimidated. Who the fuck cares? She lets me in and that is all that matters for now.

I am almost scared to turn the knob of the door leading me to Sakura's hospital room. But again, I will myself to put on an emotionless façade and enter.

My world stops spinning and I wish I were blind so much.

I expected bruises.

I expected scars.

I expected cuts.

I expected wounds.

But I never expected for her to be so fucking heartbreakingly….

…_Beautiful…_

She seems like a fallen angel. Too innocent for this rotten planet. Her heavenly pink hair is fanned out on the pillow. Her skin is white, almost sickly so, but it makes her complexion perfect. Her small hands are rested on either side of her body and as I touch them, they seem too cold to me.

Way too cold…

Her lips are soft and pink and plump and I barely cease the urge to lean in and capture them with mine. I want so badly to get a taste. If only I could.

I look at her face and find something missing. I try to think of it, but the answer slowly sinks in…

First I see green…

Then I see sparkles…

Then I see the depth….

Then I see emeralds…

And then I see innocence….

Her eyes…. Her annoyingly apple-colored eyes. How could they be so dear to me all of a sudden?… how could I suddenly crave for them to be open, to be alive?

She is bandaged from her waist up. I cannot help the flashback that springs inside my mind.

_Sakura between me and the rogue… the blow taken right in her heart…_

I chuckle bitterly. As if wounding her heart beyond repair from the inside was not enough, I had to physically hurt it right?

I have outdone myself this time.

I truly have.

I stay for some time, until I slowly fade into unconsciousness.

I wake up to the call of my name. I stupidly hope that it is Sakura, but instead of the warm emerald, I find the icy blue.

I recognize those eyes.

_Ino. _

-What the hell are you doing here Uchiha?

She snaps at me and it is menacing, cold.

-What the fuck do you think Ino? I am here to see my wife. - I snap back with equal fierceness.

To my surprise, she laughs. The laugh is humorless, mocking.

-So _now_ she is your wife?

-What the fuck are you talking about?

-Oh, please… - she growls. - don't think that just because you think you are subtle, I know nothing of you and your marriage. You fucking cheat! Do you think I don't know what shit you d behind Sakura's back? Fuck, Uchiha! I have seen you fucking some whore in the secluded corner of the club.

I smirk. I do not even try to deny it. How can I?

-I have seen Sakura change over the years. She… she was a happy, innocent girl, with sweet smile and caring attitude. Hell, I was even envious of her sometimes. She was fucking perfect… and then you… you came into the picture and ruined her! Ruined her life, ruined her innocence, ruined he chance to be happy!

She paused for a moment and I could see the tears in her eyes. She held them back as she whispered:

- Are you happy now? Have you finally gotten what you wanted? Are you here to pray for Sakura to die, so that you can be free of responsibility and screw around in open?

That shocked me. How the fuck dare she accuse me of something like this? I had her by the throat and up against the wall in an instant.

- Do not ever say something like that again. - I growled, almost choking her.

She wiggled out of my grasp and suddenly…

_Slap_

-Don't you ever dare touch me again Uchiha. What right do you have to demand something like that of me? What do you know about Sakura anyway? Do you know that she tried to commit suicide twice? Do you know that she had a miscarriage three months ago, because she was depressed? Do you know that she was in serious danger of anorexia, because she exhausted herself to the point of never eating? Do you know why she endured all those years of emotional suicide with you? Do you know that despite of how screwed up you are she loves you to the point of insanity?

I stared at her. Really stared. I was trying to process all the information she had given me. And it was fucking impossible. She had to be lying.

-You are fucking lying you bitch! - I yelled at her, bolting out of the hospital room, but not before I hear her yell:

-Run Uchiha, hide from the truth! For all I know, that is the only thing you seem to be good at anyway.

I gritted my teeth as I ran from rooftop to rooftop.

After what seemed like an eternity, I reached my destination.

_A bar_.

I entered without hesitation. I was fucking getting shit-faced tonight. I just needed to numb all this feeling out of me. I would deal with everything later. I got the attention of the barman and instantly requested shots of vodka.

One shot followed by another and all too soon, I was intoxicated.

But it did not help at all.

If anything, it heightened my senses. Made me hyperaware.

I felt pain. Exhaustion. Exasperation. Desperation. Hatred. And more pain. I wanted to groan, to go kill someone. Anyone.

-Sasuke-kun. - a nasally voice screeched from right beside me.

I looked to my left.

_Aoi Amarate._

One of my fuck buddies and a village whore.

A gold-digger, who could not keep her legs closed long enough to charm a man.

She knew how to please, though. I could give her that.

She had big tits, handful of ass and nice legs.

-Well, hello Aoi. - I greeted back.

-Sasuke-kun….

-I told you _not _to call me that. - I spat at her.

-Whatever. So, Sasuke… You look like hell. It seems like you need a little relaxing. - she whispered in my ear, sucking on my earlobe lightly.

I looked at her. I did need to let out my frustration. Why not fuck the hell out of her?

-Your place. Now. - I whispered back, tweaking her nipple in between my fingers.

She smirked and hopped up, dragging me after her.

It was pitch black outside.

We wound up at her apartment five minutes later.

The moment she closed the door, I had her against the wall, with one hand under her all-too revealing shirt and other under her skirt, pinching her clit.

-Why do you never wear underwear? - I asked.

-Hmm…. To get fucked wherever I want to, of course. - She said, smirking once more.

In the matter of seconds, I had her on the floor. Fuck, she did not deserve the bed. In the mere moments her clothes were ripped apart…

Her skin revealed….

Her fragrance in the air…

Her fingernails on my back, trying to get me nude…

Her desperate pleas for me to fuck her…

She wanted this…

And at that moment…

Everything blurred.

_**Well, here you have it!**_

_**I truly hope you enjoyed it. **_

_**Forgive me for a cliffie... again.**_

_**But this time I am not going to be a horrendous author and will update this month. **_

_**I send my love to all of my readers. **_

_**Read and Review please!**_

_**If you have some interesting ideas PM me. **_

_**Lotsa Luv**_

_**NOT YOUR GIRL 555**_


	8. Memories Of A Broken Heart

_**Well, hello readers!**_

_**I did promise to put this chapter out in December, but I was not able to.**_

_**However, to compensate for the wait, I give you a LONG chapter! Yay!**_

_**Warning: What is ahead involves ANGST ! Whole lot of it, actually.**_

_**Disclaimer: I No Naruto! Just luv to play with Sasuke's head. Sooooo much fun :D:D:D**_

_**Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 7: Memories Of A Broken Heart**

He is drowning… Her mouth is everywhere, letting him lose coherence…

He searches for green eyes, but only finds black staring black… He searches so desperately for pink hair… All he finds is rough blonde… The hair was not soft and exquisite as Sakura's… It is lifeless and fake…

He searched for the soft curves, pale, smooth skin but found none. Instead, he finds himself looking at the chocolate brown skin, defined and voluptuous curves.

Oh-so slowly, so slowly that it almost hurts, the realization hits him.

_This is not Sakura…._

_**Sasuke's POV**_

I have an urge to strangle somebody as I leap from one tree to another… I feel exposed and dirty from that slut's touch… I wish I could shake the images of her naked body out of my head… These images are taunting, mocking, haunting… I imagine Sakura's almost ethereally pale face against rough texture of hospital pillow and then the image of Ami's body writhing underneath me like a whore comes enters my mind…

I am almost bitterly happy though…

I had not touched her….

I enter my mansion and all of a sudden it seems too huge and void for me without her pink tresses and warm emeralds… nor do I hear my children's' excited chatter, speculating about the way their bedtime story is going to end….

Instead, I embrace coldness of the air…. Blackness of the surroundings… once again I laugh bitterly like a madman and question myself:

_Was this not what I had wanted? _

Had I not always wished for Sakura to stop annoying me with her soft caresses and loving touches?

I know no answer….

Suddenly the feeling of not needing her seems so alien to me that I choke on my breath, trying not to suffocate from the lack of air, which blows me away full-force…

I stagger to my bedroom… _our _bedroom and my body drops down on the floor, the sound of soft thud heightening my senses as I look down to find a small, black, leather object lying on the floor.

I try hard to remember where I have it from and all of a sudden, Naruto's words ring in my head:

_We... Kakashi brought back Sakura's backpack. I thought you might want it back... _

I instantly snatch an inanimate object from the floor, tearing it open…

_The Property Of Sakura Uchiha_

I smile sadly at the introductory page and shuffle through the next one, somehow knowing that I will find something of importance inside.

_Dear Diary,_

_Wow, I don't know where to start… my mom just gave it to me a couple of days ago, saying that it was a Haruno tradition and to write everything in it. She had wary eyes when she said that. I wonder why?_

_Anyway! First things first! _

_I am Sakura Haruno - Soon to be Uchiha. Yeas, dear diary, you heard me right, I am officially getting to the man of my dreams - Sasuke-kun. _

_It almost feels like a dream come true. The only thing that brings me back to reality is the fact that in my dreams Sasuke loves me… in reality? He doesn't… But I am confident that when he sees my love and devotion he will feel the same…_

_He sometimes says that he is incapable of feeling, but I think quite differently. I believe that if I get him to open up, then I will be able to heal his broken heart and bring out the man I know he is in him… _

Another bitter laugh escaped me as I remembered the day I first met her mother. She never did like me…

_Flashback_

_-Hello, Mrs. Haruno, I am pleased to meet you. - I said in a low, polite tone, trying to act interested. _

_She just glared and turned to Sakura. _

_-Honey, would you mind preparing some tea while I converse with Sasuke here? _

_-Sure mom. - Sakura replied making her way towards, what I assumed to be a kitchen. _

_As soon as she was out of sight, Mrs. Haruno turned to me, sneering. _

_-Now, drop the act Uchiha!_

_-Mrs. Haruno, I….._

_-Stop it! - she whisper-yelled. - Now, I will make it clear for you. I would have never agreed for my daughter to be wed to you, if not for her persistent feelings for you. I have watched her suffer through years after you abandoned your village and her. Uchiha, she gets one set of tears in her eyes and you're dead… understood? You are walking on a thin line here, boy! I have connections you know? You hurt her and I will make sure that you will never see the sunlight again, capische? _

_I really wanted to strangle her, to bang her against the door, but I had to play nice… _

_-Of course Mrs. Haruno. _

_-Good. _

She died a year in our marriage…

_Dear Diary, _

_I wish I could explain what it is like to be touched by the man you love… it is euphoric, mind-blowing and absolutely leaves me incoherent… even though Sasuke doesn't love me, he is still extremely passionate while… intercourse… _

_I have never felt this close to him… I wish he would let me in emotionally as well…_

_I can only pray…_

_I can only hope…._

I remember so acutely the day I first bedded her… at time I thought that I was just fucking her… but from the retrospective, it has been anything but that…

_Flashback_

_She was wearing a gown… a white gown, which fell to the floor… the gown was sheer, so I could make out the outlines of her pert breasts, wide hips and strong thighs… the animalistic urge to tear the fabric off of her body made me crazy, but I restrained… I needed to know…._

_-Sakura? - I whispered in the dimly lit room of my bedroom. _

_-Yes?_

_-Tell me… has anyone ever touched you before? _

_Her face instantly reddened with a blush, which fucking annoyed me. _

_-N-no… Of c-course n-not…. - she took a deep breath and continued… - I have been waiting for you… - she whispered the last part almost inaudibly. _

_I felt my chest swell, but I did not pay attention to it. _

_-Good… Now, you will never, ever let anyone besides me touch you, do you understand? - I whispered next to her ear. She shivered. I liked her response. _

_-Y-yes. _

_-Good. – I repeated._

_I slowly took off her nightgown, reveling in the smoothness of her ivory skin, so innocent, so untainted..._

_I took her slowly that day, suppressing the urge to pound into her._

_When I reached my climax, I felt bliss._

_I knew at that moment that I would be addicted._

_She was too good._

Yes, she really is like that.

Bliss.

The major reason I push the sex with her away.

Major reason why I go to other women for satisfaction.

She is addicting and I do not want to get addicted.

She is a rare dose I take only when too desperate.

I move on to the next passage.

A poem.

_Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me  
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
And at sweet night, you are my own  
Take my hand..._

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name_

I have dreamt of a place for you and I  
No one knows who we are there  
All I want is to give my life only to you  
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore  
Let's run away, I'll take you there...

_Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you..._

_Dear Diary, _

_It has been three months since we have been married. My hope is still high and floating in the air. I will surely be able to prove him my love. _

_I knew from the beginning that it would be hard, considering my past as his fangirl. I sometimes think and hate myself for being enchanted by his good looks only. But that time is buried deep in the past. I have irrevocably fallen in love with a broken boy, whom I needed as air to comfort and give warmth to. _

_I do, of course appreciate his appearance. His coal eyes, though cold are full of mystery and if you look down in them deeply, they will drown you in the mirage of emotions... I often see misery, loneliness and pain there. His hair is soft and smooth, so unlike his rough texture or stoic personality. His hands are warm and smooth, with a sliver of callousness at the edges – just like his soul. Kind but damaged. Each inch of him emphasizes who he is. His very appearance reflects on his soul. That is why I love the way he looks. Because even without lifting up his shield, I know who he is by his appearance. _

_I know so many things about him. So many little secrets that he would never admit out loud. I have seen him. Truly seen him. _

_I know that he cried himself to sleep on his parents' grave when he first visited it after he came back to the village._

_I know that the hatred he feels towards himself for killing his brother is destroying him from the inside. _

_I know he dreams of the Uchiha massacre every night, because when he wakes up panting in the middle of the night, I am the one to hold him. He never remembers in the morning. _

_I know that he loves Naruto as a brother. I know that after failing to protect Itachi, he will give his life for Naruto at any given moment. _

_I know that he is scared. Scared of not being able to feel anymore. I am aware that he is scared of the feelings his children will bring out in him. I believe that he will be a brilliant father. _

_I know that every Sunday morning, he is gone at six a.m. to visit his parents' grave, where he stays for hours before going to train. _

_I also know trivial things. I know that he loves tomatoes fresh, without being sliced. He just likes when he bites it and the juices come rushing out into his waiting mouth. _

_I know that though he will never admit it to anyone, his favorite food is ramen, just because it brings him the memories of Team 7. _

_I know that he wants the first child we have to be named Ami. That was the name his sister should have had. Her mother had been killed while four months pregnant. _

_I know that he wants a child, whose name will be Itachi. It would be in the honor of his greatest loss – his nii-san – Itachi. _

_I know that he will be ecstatic when I tell him I am pregnant. _

She knew... she always seemed to know... always...

_Flashback _

_-Sakura? – I asked, annoyed that she was nowhere to be found in the house. I was freaking hungry and she had not even started a dinner. _

_-Yes? – she came running down the stairs, somewhat flushed. _

_-Dinner. – I snapped, wanting to punch something for her ignorance. _

_-Oh, it is ready! – she chirped too happily. Shit. Her constant state of happiness made me sick. – I just need to reheat it. _

_Five minutes and I was sitting at the table, munching on the rice balls and fresh tomatoes along with beef ramen. _

_-Sasuke-kun? – she whispered._

_-Hn. – I replied, annoyed that she wouldn't let me even eat peacefully. _

_I bit onto a tomato. _

_-I... well I... _

_-Will you just say it woman! – I growled out. _

_-I am pregnant. _

_Wait... what?_

_I stared. _

_She stared back. _

_Her eyes fell... then her smile fell..._

_-Sasuke-kun... I... I thought that you'd want... I mean that... a heir and... – I tuned her out. _

_I was going to be a father._

_A Father. _

_I was going to have a child. _

_Ever so slowly, I reached out to touch her belly. Sure enough, I felt a small bump there. _

_-Thank you... Sakura. _

I can still remember that day clearly. That was the first time I felt happy after the Uchiha massacre.

I went further and further every time, each page containing a memory of the child, of a hope, of a future, of happiness...

As the pages passed, the dates seemed different from each other too...

_**Breathe No More**_

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.  
All the little pieces falling shatter.  
Shards of me,  
Too sharp to put back together.  
Too small to matter,  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
If I try to touch her,  
And I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no more._

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.  
Lie to me,  
Convince me that I've been sick forever.  
And all of this,  
Will make sense when I get better.  
But I know the difference,  
Between myself and my reflection.  
I just can't help but to wonder,  
Which of us do you love.  
So I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no...  
Bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe,  
I breathe-  
I breathe no more.

_Dear Diary,_

_He cheated on me. _

I clutched the handle of the chair as I read out the words. Simple four words with so much pain radiating off of them that I could barely hold in the cry of agony.

She knew?

She knew... She always did... then why? Why?

_**Lithium**___

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.  
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.  
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.  
Never wanted it to be so cold.  
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.  
Drown my will to fly.  
Here in the darkness I know myself.  
Can't break free until I let it go.  
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you... After all,  
Anything is better than to be alone.  
And in the end I guess I had to fall.  
Always find my place among the ashes.

_Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.  
Oh, but God, I want to let it go..._

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is out five years anniversary and he is not here. he never is anymore. I know where he went though... he went to her... Once more..._

_To the whores he fucks every single night._

_I spend hours looking into the mirror, trying so hard to figure out what is wrong with my body. Why, why do I turn him off so much?_

_The times when he has sex with me is for his pleasure and release... these times are rare... they are few and far between. The physical closeness during the sex feels cold, instead of being warmer... I feel scared like a small child... because every time he gets a little closer, my heart hopes... and when he pulls away, it shatters once more, to tinier pieces than before.  
_

_I wish I did not know. _

_I wish I believed that he is on a mission._

_Ignorance is bliss, they say. _

_I long for it. _

_Maybe then, I would feel free... _

_I wish he would come... _

_I wish he would remember..._

_Sasuke-kun... Remember me..._

_**November 26**__**th**___

_I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child  
Slowly those feelings  
Were clouded by what I know now_

Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
Oh I... I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun  
Always warm on my back  
Somehow it seems colder now

_Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
Oh I... I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all..._

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is my birthday..._

_25__th__ of may..._

_I had loved that day as a child..._

_Everything was so happy... so pink and so innocent... with the eyes of a doll... with the heart of a rainbow... _

_I will always remember the girl with long pink hair and full, green eyes. _

_I will always remember her magic, her passion, her dreams..._

_For now, I will bury them and look after their graves..._

_For now, I will silence myself and cry in the corner, mutely..._

_For now, I will blind myself, pretending not to see..._

_For now, I will cut myself, because I no longer want to breathe..._

_**25**__**th**__** May**_

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you -  
50 thousand tears I've cried.  
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -  
And you still won't hear me.  
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.  
Maybe I'll wake up for once _

_Not tormented daily defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

I'm dying again

I'm going under,  
Drowning in you, 

_I'm falling forever  
I've got to break through  
I'm going under_

Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.  
So I don't know what's real and what's not 

_Always confusing the thoughts in my head  
So I can't trust myself anymore_

So go on and scream  
Scream at me I'm so far away (so far away)  
I won't be broken again (again)  
I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under!

_Dear Diary,_

_I do not know who I am anymore..._

_I wish at least my second attempt had worked._

_I would have been gone by now..._

_I know that what I did was a selfish way out, but I cannot keep living like this... it has been seven years already and he... He is still the same..._

_Cheating..._

_Lying..._

_Never there..._

_Cold..._

_Unloving..._

_And still my only love... my only way to breathe... _

_And then... my children... _

_I love them so much... so much..._

_But sometimes as I stop to think, I wonder... do they need a mother like me? do they deserve to have a mother who is suicidal, with serious problems of anorexia? Who is not even worthy of their father's love?_

_At the moments like those, I decide that I am not needed. That everyone will be better—off without me..._

_Who am I anyway?_

_Annoying woman._

_Worthless._

_Piece._

_Of._

_Shit. _

_I want to die, I want Sasuke to be able to be free from a web of responsibilities that our marriage has created for him. _

_I want him happy. _

_That is why I am silent about his unfaithfulness._

_I cannot seem to make him happy. _

_If in the arms of another women he finds happiness, then who am I to interfere?_

_"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."  
_

_He never was mine, to begin with..._

_**February 12**__**th**___

Tears... tears... so many fucking tears...

Soaking.

Mocking.

Paining.

Laughing.

_Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
Hello_

If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken  
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
Hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday

_Dear Diary,_

_She died today at 4.30._

_Tsunade told me that it was a girl. _

_I wanted to name her Kiseki - A miracle._

Ino... so she... had... been... right...

My child...

Sakura's child...

_Our _child...

More tears...

Voices are laughing harder, my flesh is bleeding harder...

Tearing.

Pain.

Tearing.

Blood.

Everywhere.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along...

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I feel strange. It is as if something is going to happen. I keep looking back from my shoulders as I leap through the trees away from the village, Kakashi and Sasuke following beside me. _

_Kakashi had been so supportive through all these years that I cannot help but admire him. He has been nothing but excellent. I love him as a mentor and as a friend. He is precious. _

_As I look at Sasuke, every single moment of us flicks through my memory like a collage. Us as a Team 7, us at the gates of the village, me in the white dress reaching him, us at the first night of the marriage, us at the birth of Ami, then Lily and Itachi, us, as he snaps... us as he yells... us, as he mocks... us, as he cheats... us, as he hurts... us as he kills... _

_Sadness fills me when I look back and cannot find a single moment when I have made him smile... I feel as a failure of a woman... Worthless as he says..._

_I feel as if my time is up... I feel as if something is going to happen..._

_I feel as if I am going to lose to gain..._

_The only thing I can feel is love... I don't know why, but suddenly it fills my heart... absorbs any other emotion and I have such craving to reach out to him... to touch... to melt... to love..._

_You're beautiful so silently  
It lies beneath a shade of blue  
It struck me so violently  
When I looked at you_

But others pass, the never pause,  
To feel that magic in your hand  
To me you're like a wild rose  
They never understand why

I cried for you  
When the sky cried for you  
And when you went  
I became a hopeless drifter  
But this life was not for you  
Though I learned from you,  
That beauty need only be a whisper

I'll cross the sea for a different world,  
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold  
In many years they may forget  
This love of mine or that we met,  
They may not know  
how much you meant to me.

Without you now I see,  
How fragile the world can be  
And I know you've gone away  
But in my heart you'll always stay.

I cried for you  
And the sky cried for you,  
And when you went  
I became a hopeless drifter.  
But this life was not for you,  
Though I learned from you,  
That beauty need only be a whisper  


Tears...

Pain.

I collapse...

Dreaming of cherry blossoms...

They are so innocent...

So pink...

So soft...

Like her..._  
_

_**This is it!**_

_**I really do hope you enjoyed this chapter. I worked long and hard on it. **_

**IMPORTANT A/N! READ!**

**I have activated the ANONYMOUS reviews, because I felt, that everyone should get a chance to review. I have first been a reader as well and I did not feel happy, when the story I liked was blocked for reviews. BUT, Please, DO NOT FLAME! I do, enjoy and accept constructive criticism. However, I will not accept FLAMES. If you do not like the story, PLEASE refrain from reviewing it and skip to another one!**

_**Now... I should say that it will be quite a long time till I'll be able to update, so sorry in advance. My studies are just getting crazy. **_

_**The poems are actually lyrics from Evanescence's songs. The last one, though is Katie Melua's song – I cried for you. It has pretty awesome music too. I advise you to listen. **_

_**Okaaaay, I will just say this: READ AND REVIEW!**_

_**I may be busy, but... reviews will give me more drive to write faster!**_

_**Not Your Girl 555**_


	9. Guilty

_Hey Guys!_

_Okayyy... I know that I am probably THE worst author ever! I have not updated since February and I am extremely sorry for the ungodly long wait. Those effing teachers of mine decided that the students are robots and they HAVE TO give us so much goddamn homework that I almost die doing it. _

_God! _

_I am rambling soooooo much!_

_On with the story!_

_**Warning: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE and AWESOMNESS OF ITACHI UCHIHA ))))**_

_**Disclaimer: NO NARUTO STILL!**_

_**ON with the story!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 8: Guilty**_

**Sasuke's POV**

There is a mess everywhere I look. I want to find something settled, to find someone settled, but I can't. All I see is mess. Blood. And shreds of innocence.

I have always been reserved. Afraid to give out myself to another. It did not happen only after the massacre.

In my childhood, I remember watching my father. He was like me. He was unemotional and cold. He said that being like that makes one strong. He said that love weakens. He said that Uchiha's are supposed to be cold and emotionless. He said that we were killing mechanisms. He said that nobody was worthy of love. He said that love, in general, did not exist.

I say, he shot a pile of bullshit. .

But then… In contrast with him, there was my mother. She was…. She was everything my father was not. She was gentle and kind and just flawless. Even as a child I could see that my father did not deserve her, even as a child I could see that she was unhappy. Unhappy, because my father would rather die than show anyone love. I remember often waking up in the middle of the night, finding gentle sobs wrecking my mother's fragile body as she cried on the balcony. Not that she would ever show it to us - to me and Itachi. No. With us she seemed the happiest person on the entire planet. Now that I look back, she probably was the happiest with us.

Her misery… her mistake, so to say was that she was unconditionally in love with my father. She loved him for…. _Fuck. _I will never understand why she did love him. For all I know, she would do anything…. Anything… to be by his side.

And then… then there was Itachi…

Itachi…

My Brother….

I remember the last time we talked….

_Flashback._

_Finally…_

_Fucking Finally he is lying there…. Only counted minutes left…._

_I made it. _

_I got my revenge. _

_-So, who is pathetic now, you bastard? - I yell at him, wanting him to fucking know, to fucking feel his loss, to fucking feel pain at least once in his screwed up life. _

_-Ahhh…. Foolish little brother…. - he murmurs, making me clench my jaw in fury. He doesn't fucking get to call me a brother. _

_I noiselessly move towards him, my katana ready to stab him…. To bathe in his filthy blood… to smell of revenge. _

_But then…_

_He speaks. _

_-You know, Sasuke… The only person I killed with satisfaction was father. _

_That makes me stop…._

_-Did you know that he was cheating on mother? Or better yet, did you know that he was abusing her constantly? _

_-Shut up!_

_-Yes little brother, he beat her…._

_-Don't…._

_-He fucking raped her…._

_-Just…._

_-And she…. She fucking loved him! Foolish, foolish, foolish! She was a stupid woman…_

_-Do not dare to insult my mother! Don't you fucking dare. _

_-Ahh, Sasuke she was my mother as well…_

_-You have no right to call -_

_-And I loved her-_

_-Yeah, right and that is why you killed -_

_-But, she was foolish to love father. He never did deserve her. She was too valuable, too perfect for him… _

_I drop my katana, my body hitting ground as well. _

_I lie down next to him, knowing that he is not any harm. _

_-I saw her crying sometimes, you know…. - I whisper in an extremely hushed tone. _

_-I know. I would…. Often watch you…. When I - he coughs - would return from the missions. - coughing again - you would be hiding behind the door of the balcony and she would be on her knees outside, sobbing… _

_Seconds pass as his coughs get more violent… I know that death will touch him soon… _

_-Sasuke? _

_-Hn. _

_-Do not live on fathers principles…_

_Pause._

_-It is okay to love. _

_And then… he is gone. _

_And I…._

_I feel nothing…_

_Just emptiness…_

_Numbness… _

_Was not this what I had always wanted? _

_End of Flashback. _

That emptiness never did fully go away…. Especially after I understood what he meant. How could I ever forgive myself?

In what way did I have a right to be happy, when I had killed the possible happiness of my flesh and blood?

Especially now…. Especially after reading _her _diary…. Especially after feeling like a failure….

I wish….

I wish he had succeeded me that day….

I wish that he had been the one to live.

I finally stand up to my feet… my knees aching from the rough texture of the wooden floor. I straighten up, feeling lost… what the fuck do I do now?

What if she doesn't wake up?

What if she will never hear…. That…. That… I…..

_FUCK._

_Get the act together Uchiha. - _I urge myself as I contemplate what to do with the rest of my fucked up life.

Shit. I do not even know how to live without her… she is a constant in my life. Seeing her odd, apple-shaped eyes, so full of kindness and irritating amount of love is something I never dreamed of getting by without. Yes, she may annoy me sometimes, but then again, I wouldn't have it any other way.

She gave me everything.

A home.

Three beautiful children.

Her body.

Her heart.

Her soul.

Her life….

And I did what?

I fucking abused her mentally.

Cheated on her.

Took her for granted.

Yeah, payback is a bitch Uchiha.

I sigh as I am suddenly hit with a pile of bricks and remember.

_Children._

Shit.

What kind of father am I?

I am out of the mansion in an instant, running towards Naruto's house. The air seems brisk, cutting my face with invisible knives of the wind. As I approach the door I hesitate.

_What do I tell them?_

As if someone from the inside can sense my presence, the door is opened, revealing a rather tired-looking Naruto.

-Sasuke? What are you doing here? Where were you? You just disappeared somewhere for the day!

I glare at my best friend.

-Who the fuck are you my friggin' mother? I am here to see my children dobe.

-Well, that is reach coming from you teme. Since the mission, you have fucking forgotten their existence! - he all but yells.

-Don't you dare -

-Fuck you Uchiha, Kakashi has been taking a better care of your wife than you have!

Now that hit a nerve.

-What did you just say?

-You heard what I said perfectly clear! He has not left her side since yesterday afternoon.

-That son of a -

-Shut the fuck up Sasuke! He has been doing your job, you should be fucking grateful for it! You are never there!

-Well screw me for wanting to grieve my failure alone! - I shout before I realize what I am saying.

I look up and that bastard is grinning at me. Smug son of a bitch.

-Oh, so you are done with yelling? - I taunt.

-Well, I did hear what I wanted.

-Fuck you. - I mutter.

-Not a chance.

I groan at his stupidity.

-So where are the kids?

-Well, Lily and Itachi are in bed, but Ami is up talking to Hina.

He lets me pass and I enter, moving towards the living room. There she is, my beautiful girl, sitting with Hinata, her eyes puffy and red from crying.

-Ami… - I murmur and she immediately turns around, rushing to me.

-Daddy!

I kneel down to her level and take her in my arms, knowing that she needs the comfort now. I feel terrible for treating my children the way I have these past days. I had been selfish once again, only ever considering my needs and forgetting about theirs.

I nod at Hinata in recognition before I breathe deeply as I speak.

-Ami, I think we should talk.

I see panic flash in her eyes quickly explain.

-Do not worry sweet girl, mother will be well.

-Okay. - She says and I can see it in her eyes that she believes me.

-Maybe we could go out to the bedroom? - I ask her and she nods, tugging at my sleeve to follow her.

We silently make our way up the stairs, entering a guest bedroom. She sits on the bed as I take a sea close to her.

-Daddy?

She breaks me from my thoughts, her voice urging me to finally admit my lies…

-Sweetie… there is one thing I think you should know about the mission.

She moves in closer, her eyes wide with fear.

-Do you remember that I told you why your mother got injured?

-Yes… you told me she could not protect herself…. - she whispered, hiccupping as tears sprung to her eyes.

-Well… Ami… I want you to know that I regret it, but I am afraid, that is not quite true…

-You… you lied? - she seems somewhat surprised, but not really angry. - but daddy, why did you lie? Mamma always says that lying is bad.

My lips twitch as I force myself not to smile. She reminds me so much of Sakura. She has the same abundance of innocence.

-I am sorry sweetie. I… I don't know how to explain Ami… I am not good at this….

-I know… - she replies, smiling knowingly.

-You do? - I ask surprised.

-Yeah… Mamma always says that.

-Really?

-Yes. Well there was this one time when Lily asked her why Mamma always says 'I love you' and kisses us, while you do not. Mamma said that it is hard for you to do so, because you prefer to show us that you love us rather than tell us….

As the words fall from her lips, I am stunned to silence….

-You do right? - she suddenly asks.

-Do what?

-Love us… I mean, you do love us right?

-Of course I do. - I reply quickly. Shit, what father am I? letting my child doubt my love for her. - Honey, you, Lily and Itachi are everything to me. I do… I do - shit. - love you.

-What about mommy?

-What about her?

-Do you love her too? Is she your everything too?

I am struck with the question.

I open my mouth two seconds too late and she sighs.

-I knew you didn't…

-No, no sweetie, it is not like that it's just…. Complicated.

-Then why is not Naruto and Hinata's love complicated? What about Neji and Ten-Ten? And Auntie Ino and Shikamaru? I don't know why but when I see them, I see the love, but when you look at mommy I cannot. You do not kiss her, you do not hug her…

Tears gather in her eyes again as she whispers:

-Sometimes, at night, she cries…

I feel as a total dick as I listen to her. Immediately I lean in to hug her, but she does not let me. Instead she looks up at me, her eyes full of fear.

-You won't leave us, will you daddy? Mamma loves you, I can tell….

I clutch her to my chest tightly, reassuring her over and over again that I will never abandon her and our family. And I know that I am telling an absolute truth. After Ami calms down a little, I start to speak again.

-Ami… I had been telling you about the mission.

-Yes dad.

-Sakura…. She… she did not die because she failed to protect herself… she died because…. Because she saved me….

There is an eerie silence in the room as I hold my breath, awaiting her reaction.

What I do not expect is for her to hug me tighter and whisper again and again that she knew that her momma would do anything for daddy to save him. Finally, finally after what seems like hours she looks up, her cheeks stained from tears.

-But momma will be well right?

-Yes. - I assure her with a deep sigh. I wish so fucking much that I knew it for sure.

I tuck her into bed, assuring her that I will take her and the twins to the hospital the following morning and that we would all go back to the mansion. I slip out quietly after Ami falls asleep. I look around to find another guest bedroom and discover it in the end of the hallway. I enter without a sound only to find my twins resting peacefully. Itachi is lying with his head to the side, holding Lily's hand, whine she hugs him, her face buried in his chest. I smile softly as I stroke her hair, getting lost in the moment. I retreat minutes later, having made up my mind.

I have enough money to not take missions for a while. Hell, I have enough money to not move a finger my entire life. So, until Sakura is better, I will take care of the children.

No more indifference. No more mistakes.

I will not wallow in self-pity.

If I want to make it better for us, to save our family, to save her, then I will have to work my ass off. She deserves every fucking speck of it.

I say a quiet goodnight to Naruto and make my way to the hospital, determined to see my wife.

No way in hell am I letting Kakashi care for her.

I confidently stride in the hospital, nodding at a half-asleep receptionist. I reach Sakura's room and am about to open the door when I hear a deep, oh-too familiar voice.

_-…Please Sakura…. Please…. Do not do this to me…. I have given you up for another man…. I have coped with you being in another's arms, but it was only because I knew of your physical health and well-being… I have been watching you…. Watching you as he drained all the happiness from you…. I have been watching you give your everything to him… to him, when he never deserved it… loving him, like I could only wish you loved me…. Holding him like I only ever long for you to hold me….. Shit… seeing you like this… chained to a bed and hardly surviving kills me…. Comparing a woman you are today and a radiant child you once were makes me want to punish myself… For not trying hard enough, for not being there enough, for letting you do this… you are a broken angel, whom I long to heal… I long for your heart, even a part of it, so I can mend it. I love you my beautiful cherry blossom… if you would just have me….._

In a move so fast and yet so burningly slow, the man leans in to capture _my _Sakura's lips.

With Sharringan activated and the immense fury tainting my vision red, I rip the door open and growl…..

-Get your filthy hands off of my wife, Kakashi.

… and then I launch at him.

**A/N: Aaand this is where we leave it!**

**I know that leaving another cliffie is kinda mean, but what can I say? I am EVIL ))))**

**Anyway, two things:**

I want to express my DEEP concern and grieve for the tragedy of Japan! I BELIEVE that Japan is strong enough to go through this and just as it has made a miracle and recovered from the consequences of atomic bombing, it will undergo this crisis with her head held up high!

Secondly, I wanted to tell you that since the school is coming to an end, I am starting my exams in several weeks. Thus I will have to study LOADS of crazy stuff. BUT, I do promise to squeeze in one update at the boarderline of MAY and JUNE. After that I am all to fanfiction and this story for the summer.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sticking with me throughout this story! Thank you for patiently waiting for the chapters! I promise to somehow make it up to you.

**FINALLY I WANT TO THANK ****Minami to Yuri no Hana** **FOR HER AMAZING IDEA OF MAKING SASUKE-TEME JEALOUS. **

Read AND Review it please!

Love,

NotYourGirl 555


	10. Changing

_**Hello Readers!**_

_**I am Sooooo happy to be back with you!**_

_**I hope that you enjoy this chapter and that it was worth the wait. **_

_**Oh, before I start. I was reading the reviews I have gotten for this story today. I WANT TO THANK ALL OF MY REVIEWERS, I WOULD HAVE NO LUST TO WRITE, IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR YOU. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUT SUPPORT!**_

_**However, I want to mention **_**ONE **_**reviewer whose reviews are, extremely original and it often makes me want to read his/her writings. A pity he/she has no fan fiction of his/her own.**_

_**I am talking about - ta da da da - C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only - this person has a damn fine way with words. **_

_**Disclaimer: NO NARUTO STILL!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 9: Changing**

**Sasuke's POV**

-What the fuck is off with you Uchiha? I will not fucking tolerate this kind of behavior in my hospital! You may be the last Sharringan-using adult, but trust me, I will not hesitate to sue your sorry ass! What right do you have to barge in here, especially in SAKURA's hospital room, where she - might I remind you, because you obviously have no remembrance of it - is in critical condition. Translation: she is in a fucking coma! And god help me Uchiha…..

I tune Tsunade out as I put my head in my hands.

I am so tired and so furious at the same time. The combination of the two gnawing at me, wanting to fucking close my eyes and sleep and at the same time craving to shed blood…

Tsunade's rant continues on and fucking on and she will not stop…..

-You have absolutely disrespected Sakura with this….

…And shit, I cannot take it anymore…

-I understand that you want to be a dominant prick, but you have no right…

…And I want to explode once more. To yell, to yell, to yell, to force her to stop…..

-But to almost kill Kakashi?…

….Ugh and I want to fucking kill Kakashi still. The bastard…

-He was there for her, when you were not…

He was there…. He was there… He was there….

The words ring out.

Again and fucking again.

And I explode….

-Don't you fucking dare talking to me about him being there. - I seeth, my temper rising with every word I spit out - do you know what I saw Tsunade, do you want me to tell you why I almost killed him?

The bitch just drills her cold green eyes into me… cold. So unlike Sakura….

Ugh. Sakura.

Head in hands.

Nails clawing at my scalp.

Fuck.

I need control.

Control.

-Why? - the bitch finally asks, her voice icy, just like the rest of her.

_Fuck you. _

I long to say, but instead I keep my jaw clenched as I look up and stare deep into her monstrous eyes.

-Because he was kissing her. - I growl, head in hands once more, trying to get rid of the memory. To itch it out of my fucking head.

And then.

In my desperation, I fail to notice the cold laugh.

Cold but hearty.

My eyes snap up to Tsunade's and I stare. That seems to make her laugh even harder.

Fuck.

I want to cut her into pieces or, better yet, burn her alive. To get rid of her cold, green eyes and that laugh.

-Aw, is our little Sasuke jealous now? - she says in a whiny tone that makes her even more disgusting than she is, laughing some more.

Motherfucker.

Finally, fucking finally when I am out of there, I wander around Konoha for some time, hidden in the shadows, given to my thoughts…

My fucking thoughts which have acquired the mixture color of emerald and pink. The constant. The permanent dwellers.

I am so fucked.

The dawn hits and I immediately approach Naruto's house, wanting so desperately to see my children and take Ami to school.

Naruto opens the door on the third knock, seemingly on a good mood. His eyes hold some kind of mischievousness that I knew I am not going to like. I have not even taken two steps towards the kitchen, where my children are seemingly eating breakfast, when he pipes up.

-So, I heard about yesterday night's ordeal…. - I groan. I knew that I would not like communicating with him today.

-Just…. Shut the fuck up dobe! - I growl at him.

-Dada, what is fuwk?

Oh, shit.

Naruto starts laughing mercilessly at me, patting my back and giving me some ideas on how to 'explain' the meaning of the word to my four-year-old daughter. I really hate him just now.

-Lily! - I exclaim, trying to re-focus her attention to something other than…. Um… inappropriate words.

Fortunately it works.

-Dada! - She squeals and hugs me. I take her in my arms, twirling her around like the little princess she is. She reminds me so much of Sakura… it is bittersweet looking at the exact shade of emerald and observing the same naturally pink hair, just as soft as her mother's. -whewe have youw been? I have drawed a pictuwe fow you. We can take it to momma'sh okawy? And then she will get bettew. And did youw know that youw need to kissh hew sho that she wake up?

I try to be excited about her pronunciation, but in reality, the sadness of her words cut through me, they seep into my every pore, marking and absorbing everything.

Itachi and Ami greet me as well. Though, I cannot help but notice that Itachi seems unhappy with me. He is not a very emotional child - a true genes of an Uchiha, but today she seems cold as well. Usually, he just keeps his cool and remains stoic.

I do not like the modification in his behavior. So, when Ami and Lily go upstairs to search for Lily's painting, I take my time to somehow have a conversation with him.

-Itachi?

-Hn.

-Is something bothering you? - I ask, regretting immediately. What kind of a relevant question is that?

-Hn. - he answers.

-Itachi, I know that you are upset with your mother's-

Before I can finish my sentence, I can feel a pair of onyx eyes boring into me. I look up to see Itachi glaring at me, his eyes blazing with pure fire of rage.

-I hate you. - he says and the words cut me deeper than I thought possible.

My eyes snap up to connect with his, to understand that he is lying, deceiving, but there, in the pools of ebony, I see not a seed of deceit.

Before I have the time to inquire the reasons behind the hatred my four-year-old son exudes towards me, Lily comes running straight into my lap.

-Dada! Dada! Look, look!

I do.

And what I see there pains me.

The painting contains the simple figures, nothing any four-year-old cannot do. It is the contents of the painting that bring me sorrow. Shaped simply, a man with an ebony hair is standing in the yard, holding a hand of a woman with pink hair. The man has a girl in his hands - girl with pink hair and overly-emphasized green eyes. The woman, however holds a boy - seemingly a matching figure of the man, only smaller. In front of them a girl with jet black hair and green eyes stands, smiling softly. The woman wears a halo around her head, giving her somewhat an angelic face. There are stars in the sky. Scattered throughout the starry sky are the figures of three people and a baby, all clearly showing resemblance to the man.

My eyes almost tear up at the sight. It is…. Ethereal…. The meaning.

I want to ask…

-Who is the baby Lily?

-Oww, thawt ish my shishter Kisheki!

My heart clenches.

-Why did you draw my parents, Itachi and Kiseki in the sky?

-Oww! Becaush my momma always shays that they are in the shky, looking down on ush and shiwling. Momma shays that they are happy there.

-Yes Li, they are, they are.

Before Ami and I leave for Academy, I promise the enthusiastic Lily and a not-so-happy Itachi to pick them up and take them back home after I drop Ami off at the academy.

I collect them soon., but before going to the mention I have a word with Naruto. I ask him, no demand that I not be given any missions during this period. I do realize that I need to take up the responsibilities of being and taking care of the children. Sakura and they are my first priority now.

It actually feels nice to be home the whole day, spending time with children and just…. Relaxing. Although Itachi is still furious with me, I try my best to ease the rage. It seems that for the sake of not wanting to cause a scene in front of the baby sister, who is actually ten minutes younger than him, he keeps civil.

Damn, my four-year-old son is too fucking mature for his age.

Lily seems to buzz with excitement as we all make our way to the hospital, intent on seeing Sakura.

Tsunade gives me an evil eye as we enter, the nurses exchanging the worried glances. Guess I caused quite a scene.

-Do not try anything. - Tsunade whisper-growls in my ear, while gently hugging the children.

Two-faced bitch.

Everything moves in the slow motion as we enter the room Sakura is in.

Lily shouts Momma! And runs straight to her, held back by Ami, who gently scolds her, explaining that 'Momma' needs quiet. I observe as Itachi maintains his cool exterior, avoiding making the eye-contact. I see as Ami's eyes water, I see as she looks down, trying to keep the best calm façade for Lily.

She is a strong-willed girl, she really is.

-Dada? - Lily asks me, while watching her momma 'swleep' as she puts it.

-Yes?

-Can we go to Tsunade's office plweaaase? I want to show hew my painting.

-Sure sweetie. Ami, Itachi? - I call out to my children.

For the first time since we got here Itachi speaks in a low whisper.

-Father, may I stay?

My eyes close as I try to understand him. I know the feeling, I know how it is when a possibility that you have lost a mother enters your mind. I know the struggles. So I let him stay as the girls and I go to Tsunade's office.

A half an hour later I find myself walking towards Sakura's room, intent on taking Itachi with me so that we can go home. What I find there exceeds all of my expectations.

Itachi is sitting on the side of the bed, his head hung low as he caresses Sakura's hand, which he has grasped tightly with her smaller one.

-I love you mother.

He stops.

-Please do not die.

Another pause.

-I do not believe that sky is a better place.

Sigh.

-I will make you happy here.

Pause.

-I will make father be better.

Pause.

-If not, I will make him leave and it will be just us.

Pause.

-But please, don't leave me.

He raises his head and I see a single tear stream down his face.

-I need you here.

And with a soft kiss on her hand he stands, a four-year-old turned into a man and wipes away his eyes.

I keep the memory close to my heart as I prepare the children for bed at night. I have a feeling that today is only beginning, that there are many more days, maybe even weeks like this to come.

As the house quiets down, I cannot help but notice how the silence brings the edge to horror rather than serenity here. I feel as if the silence is not peace, calmness or the serenity - I feel as if it is the monstrous betrayal, the loaded weight of unspoken secrets. I feel as if they want to suffocate me.

I struggle to breathe as these thoughts overcome me.

I need air.

Re-checking the children, I hop outside in the streets enjoying the crisp air of the night.

For the umpteenth time I find my feet taking me to one place I need to be. To the hospital.

I am careful not to be seen as I mask my chakra and quietly slip through the window, finally, finally being where I crave to be.

I watch her for the longest time, re-memorizing every one of her features….

-Sakura…. - I speak before I even realize and god, it feels so freeing to roll her name between my lips, to create the sensuous pronunciation of the name which holds all the clandestine emotions I have for her.

-Emotions? - I speak loudly, not really sure who I am speaking to. Is it myself? Or is it her?

-Emotions are rare luxury for me…. Sakura. You have been living with me for eight years and you have known me for more…

I chuckle to myself about my admission.

-You know? There was always something different about you… I hated girls in general, I loathed fan-girls even more, but you? I had a special kind of hatred to you. I absolutely despised you, because those girls? They just annoyed the shit out of me because they were stupid, fake and with no determination…

I closed my eyes, remembering all those days. They seemed like the happy memories now. Careless times.

-You cannot even begin to comprehend how much I loathed the fact that of all the damn girls, you had to be in Team Seven. You, a girl with annoying pink hair and emerald eyes that were apple-like got to spend time with me. I hated it, because you intrigued me. Hell, I hated you more and more, because I cared. Naruto was okay - I mean he was a guy - but you? You were a girl! You had a fucking pink hair, for God's sake. And I cared. I fucking cared.

You know, after the Uchiha Massacre I stopped caring altogether. I figured that once a person cares, that person is bound to get hurt. When I saw all those lifeless bodies lying there, drenched in blood, I was angry, angry that it bothered me. If I had not cared, I deduced, I would have been under less emotional stress and then maybe, just maybe, I would have been able to handle my brother better. I know, a desperate thought, but believed in it. I believed because I needed someone, something, anything to blame and it seemed the first relevant explanation.

That is why, every time I questioned you, or became aware of you, of your needs, I cursed myself. I cursed myself for caring. I cursed you for making me care.

That day, when Orochimaru bit me… it was the last straw. Not because I became marked, not because options opened up to me. No. In the forest of death, all I can remember is waking up from agony. All I could see was you. The scratches, bruises and so much fucking pain in your eyes and I just… I just exploded. Those eyes, they were supposed to be happy, careless, but that day, they were like mine and I hated it. I could not even stand the thought of you being like me. You were supposed to be the opposite… you were supposed to be the better half… you were supposed to be my light and I could not let them taint you.

And when it all ended and we… we got out of there alive, I began fearing. You were too much….. Just fucking too much, too good, too bright, too soft, too kind, too happy, too… everything. But goddamnit…

I loved you.

with a broken heart of a twelve-year boy, I was insane about you and I hated you for making me fall in love with you. And I left because of it…

Sakura… for years, for fucking years I let myself deny it but it is the truth. I left because I was scared of you, scared of us… shit, I was so fucking scared that maybe, just maybe if we were ever at any proximity close Itachi would hurt you. And then…. What would become of me? More hatred, more revenge, more bloodlust….

And then…. By the time I came back… I was too fucking tainted, too fucking ruined to remember who you used to be, who we used to be…. I had buried the emotional concept in general too fucking far to even feel anything…

After Itachi… after his death I was numb, dead inside…. But that, my Cherry Blossom, is an entirely different story… Some other time I will tell you…. Some other time…"

I spend the night with her… just watching. No more talking… talking no more.

It is the morning that finds me walking up in the Hokage's office, having dropped off the twins at Hinata's and Ami at the Academy. Naruto has insisted that I be there at ten a.m. sharp. I wonder what he wants. The tone of the message he sent me via some Jounín was downright outrageous and, might I add furious.

As I open the door of his office, I am met with a pair of red eyes and a fuming Naruto.

-Even for you this was low Uchiha. - he sneers with hatred.

Before I can comprehend what is going on, I feel Aoi Amarate breeze past me.

**A/N: I hope you liked this chappie!**

**GUYS!**

**Please while reviewing, can you PLEASE tell me your opinion about:**

**Sasuke's Speech.**

**Itachi's little speech. **

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**Read and REVIEW!**

**Laterz,**

**Not Your Girl 555**


	11. Time

_**Well, Hello guys!**_

_**Yeah, after a Looooong break I am BACK! And I brought on a new chapter of After All This Time. **_

_**Actually, I did not update for such a long time, because I was a little upset about the number of reviews or lack thereof, but then I thought that taking this story down and upsetting my loyal readers/reviewers would be unfair... But it did take me a long time to come to that conclusion...**_

_**Well, anyway...**_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto, I just like to fuck with Sasuke's mind ))**_

_**ENJOY!**_

**Chapter 10: Time**

_**Sasuke's POV**_

His eyes are blood red and in a moment my jaw and my entire face is blood red as well with blood itself. He beats me till there is no more anger left in him and I let him – not because I cannot go against him, but because one way or another, I know that I deserve it and I am fucking tired of getting away with the wrongs I have committed in life.

His breathing is heavy, I see that his knuckles are turning purple – after all the manly fight without jutsus reflects on his skin as well.

-Why are you not resisting me? – he yells. – why the fuck are you taking all the shit I give you Uchiha? What the fuck is the reason for it? – he is screaming at this point, his face red, facial features mercilessly miserable. – tell me,now!

I keep silent, I am not a man of words and I cannot explain it to him, he would never understand.

_But he is a lost soul like you, he is your brother…._

I wish one day my son of a bitch conscience would fucking uproot itself and migrate somewhere where I will not be able to hear its nasally voice ever fucking again!

-Tell me!

No I can't you fucking insisting bastard.

-Now!

Fuck you.

-Sasuke!

Shit.

-I said tell me!

-I can't okay? – I yell back as I stand back on my feet. – I cannot fucking explain it to you!

-And what is there to explain huh? It's not like there are any emotions involved, since you are a cold-hearted son of a bitch!

I want to scream at him that he is wrong but once again my conscience reminds me that I am indeed a cold-hearted son of a bitch…

-What Uchiha? Got no rejections to that title?

-No.

-Now tell me, how could you do this to Sakura?

-Do what?

-As if you have no idea!

-Naruto, I have done…. – fuck. – many things to Sakura that I never should have, so tell me what the fuck are you talking about!

For three seconds exactly Naruto is absolutely silent, his eyes widening a bit.

And then he breaks down.

In tears.

Naruto – the most loved Hokage of Konoha is right in front of me, on his knees his blue eyes swimming in tears as he grips the skin of his face mercilessly, crying with no abandon.

-She gave you everything Sasuke... – he chokes – everything... she gave you her life!... And with her on the dying bed you... you fucked that whore!

And with those words gone is the broken man I had just witnessed a moment ago and the Hokage Uzumaki Naruto has me up against the wall, breathing heavily.

And as the words he pronounced register in my mind, everything suddenly clicks into place. Of course! Of course that slut would tell the lies... of course!

And as I get ready to yell at Naruto for making idiotic assumptions I stop. Do I have a background so that he will believe me?

Me?

Sasuke Uchiha.

A cold-hearted man-whore who had been cheating on his wife every chance he got.

What basis does Naruto have to believe me?

The answer comes way too easily.

_Nothing._

So instead I close my eyes and wait for yells or even several punches. Instead, I hear heavy breathing and silence.

And then...

-You haven't done it, have you?

My head snaps up. My eyes open and maybe my jaw drops a little bit.

Naruto is observing me with a stoic face, but his lips give away the whole façade. They are just slightly curved, giving indication that he is internally smiling.

He stares and then sighs.

-You may go, Sasuke.

And in the cloud of smoke I disappear.

_4 months later _

-Lily, Ami, Itachi! The dinner's ready! – I call out as I hear three pairs of footsteps on the stairs.

-What dadda made? – asks Lily in her adorable voice.

-Dadda made some beef ramen with fresh tomato salad, but first tell me, have you washed your hands? – I ask kneeling before my little princess.

-Yes, I supervised them dad. – my daughter says in a serious tone.

God, I am so proud of her. She is just too much like Sakura – in everything, her appearance her knack for helping everybody. Everything that passed in the last four months has made her so much more mature. She has been helping me out in everything, but I try not to make her life too pressured by my ignorance in the house duties. I am a quick learner though and that feature has come to be vital in these months for me.

-Good then, let me escort you to the table mi lady.

-Of course, fine sir! – Lily giggles as she takes my hand and I lead her to the table.

We eat in silence as I drift off to my own thoughts.

Four months and four days. That is exactly the amount of the time that has passed after that cursed day Sakura got hurt. I do not even want to describe the changes that have passed during this time. I do not even think that I can.

The house I am living now, the house I have lived in since I came back to the village years ago no longer seems haunted and unfamiliar to me. Instead, I associate it with the laughter of my children and her scent.

My own children no longer are strangers to me.

I now know that Ami is an amazingly talented child and each time her senseis praise her in front of me, my heart swells with pride and I want to yell out to the entire village, hell to the entire world that she is my girl, my own flesh and blood!

I know that Lily loves to be treated like a princess; her favorite color is blush-colored pink. Her favorite animation is "The Beauty and the Beast" – because as she once told me, almost giving me a heart attack – "I wlike that the beastie gets hish head out of hish assh and tweats Belle like she deserwes!" I almost strangled Ino the next day, since Lily had claimed after that "assh" was a good word, since her godmother – Ino – is been saying it all the time. I also know that Lily has brilliant artistic skills, a fact that had not gone unnoticed by Sai either. He agreed to be her mentor after Lily started the academy in two years.

I know that Itachi blames me for everything that has been happening with our family. I say that he is the most perceptive kid on the entire planet. I know that out of the three children I have, Itachi is the most identical to me. Not only do we share the same appearance, but we also possess similar characteristics – we are both proud, level-headed, stubborn, emotionally awkward and unforgiving. We are the true Uchihas, believing in perfection of things and never accepting anything less than the flawless. This is a curse and a gift that we carry. It is a gift, because we never do anything without putting one hundred percent effort into it – making us devastatingly determined and accomplished in everything we throw ourselves into.

But it is also a curse, because we underrate and underestimate every fucking thing in the world, never satisfied with others, forever wanting for more...

The curse that has fucked up my life...

Itachi, he has not yet forgiven me for anything, but I can see that he is speaking to me more, that he does see things I do for them... But I know that nothing will ever be enough for me to deserve the forgiveness from him or, more importantly his mother. What I do now, every day – taking care of the children, preparing food, taking care of the house, looking after Sakura's health – is nothing! I am supposed to be doing that anyway, it is my responsibility as a husband and a father – the responsibilities I have been absolutely neglecting...

For years...

-Dad?

-Yes Ami?

-Daddy, there is this guy...

-You're not going out with him! – I blurt out suddenly. The concept of somebody taking out my eight-year-old daughter is absolutely impossible.

-But dad! I was just asking if I could bring him over for the academy project... we have this jutsu to master with the help of the scroll and well, he thinks you're really cool and I thought that maybe, if it is going be hard for us, you could help...

-Oh...

_Oh..._

-Um, yeah, sure...

-Thank you dad!

-When will you be bringing him over?

-Oh, tomorrow. – says Ami, springing to his feet and rushing to the stairs.

-Ami's got a bowyfwend! – sings Lily and before I can protest...

-It's just a school project! – I hear Itachi growl and smirk... overprotective brother already. Good, I would need his help in future.

A few hours later and I am putting down the book of fairy-tales and sneaking out of Itachi and Lily's room.

I look into Ami's room. After making sure that she is sleeping soundly and rearranging her covers, so that they actually cover her, I exit her room as well. She has a nasty habit of kicking them off. I usually check over her five or six times per night.

Just as I walk down the stairs I hear the knock on the door and open up immediately, letting all too familiar figure walk in.

We greet politely.

-How long you gonna stay? – he asks.

-As usual. – I answer.

-Okay.

-Food is in the fridge and the children are sleeping upstairs per usual. If anything at all goes wrong, you know how to alert me.

He suddenly lets out a hearty laugh, which to be sincere, annoys the hell out of me.

-What the fuck are you laughing about? – I snap.

-It's just... I do not recognize you anymore, Uchiha. – he says, looking up – if four months ago somebody told me that you would be informed what gives in this household, I would have laughed at them. But now, seeing you like this with my own eyes...

He does not finish, but I know exactly what he means.

I nod and turn to leave but before I go, I mumble,

-Thank you Sai.

Just as I do every night.

I run without stopping once and soon, the building I have been craving to enter all day comes in the view. In moments I am inside and just moments before reaching my destination, I literally crash into the one woman I do NOT want to see.

-Ah, back again tonight Uchiha?

-Yes, Tsunade, if you have not noticed, I have been coming here every night for the past four months.

-And every night for the past four months I have been telling you that the visiting hours end at six p.m. not a.m.

-And every night I still get in that room, do I not? – I ask, challenging her.

-That is because I let you in!

-You let me in there, because you fucking know how much I need to be in there.

She looks at me and smirks.

-Just what I wanted to hear, you can go in now. – she says.

I want to tear off that fucking smirk off her face.

Bitch.

I enter the room with caution just like I do every day.

She is laying there, her hair fanned out on the pillow and it seems as if she is bathing in the cotton candy. Her skin is pale, but no longer sickly twisted, overly white. Her injuries have already healed...

They would have...

After all, it has been so long...

So long since I have looked into her beautifully odd green apple colored eyes...

So long since I have heard her angelic voice, which had stupidly annoyed me once...

Yeah, just like that beast, I needed to get my head out of my ass.

-Sakura... – I whisper as I sit by her side and take her hand...

-What should I talk to you about today? I miss you Sakura... I do... I miss everything about you. Today, as I was watching our children, I noticed how much they have grown in these four months. And then, I looked out of the window and it is winter already. The air is getting colder by the minute, cutting through the skin, just like the realization of how long you have been gone from me cut me. It dawned on me just how much I miss you...

I do everything Sakura, everything, I swear to keep the children happy until you come back to us. You know, Lily draws pictures of you every single day and every single time you are smiling, or laughing, or being happy... and every time I see them, I realize that in the eight years of our marriage, I have never seen you like that. It hurts to know that I have killed the joy of the overly active girl I fell in love with... I don't know, maybe I am not good for you even now? Maybe my love will not be enough?

Sakura... once you wake up, once you will come back to us, I swear, I will give you the choice. If you will have me, I will spend the rest of our lives making up for my mistakes, but if you have had enough... I will let you go, I will, because I want to see you return to the care-free woman you were, I want those drawings to come to life... goddamn, I just... want you to be happy and if I will need to be out of the picture to achieve it, then so be it Sakura... you can have everything, the house, the money, I don't need any of it...

But please, please... come back... I'm begging you... please Sakura, let me see your eyes, please...

I don't know if God exists, but if he does than I will get down on my knees like this and beg him to bring you back..."

"Please... Bring her back to me, I cannot be without her!... Please, whoever is up there, please listen to me!... Take my own life, take my blood, to the last drop, just please bring her back... I am nothing, important to no one, but she... she is needed by so many people, please God, please, bring her back to me..." – I choke on my own tears.

Yes, I, Uchiha Sasuke cry.

Every single night.

Just like I pray.

Every single night.

On my knees...

-Dad! I'm home! – cries Ami and I come running down the stairs from the playroom.

With Ami I see a boy of her age with green T-shirt and black training pants. His hair is jet black and all spiked up. His facial features seem familiar, but I just cannot place his identity.

-Hey dad, this is Daisuke.

-Hello. – I greet him cordially as I look him over. I receive a glare from Ami.

I wonder why.

-So, who are your parents? – I ask stoically.

Another glare.

God, what am I doing wrong here?

-Umm... – before the Daisuke guy can answer, however, Ami jumps into action.

-He is actually your classmate's son! – she exclaims. – You remember Rock Lee?

No fucking way!

At first the twerp wants _my _Sakura and now his son is after my daughter?

I am about to say something as the door almost explodes and a breathless Naruto rushes in.

-Sasuke! Sakura has awoken!

_**So, that's all folks :D**_

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_**Lotsa Luuuuve,**_

_**Not Your Girl 555**_


	12. Webs

**Hello READERS!**

**Firstly, OMG I cannot believe how many reviews I got for the past chapter! THANK YOU people; you do not know how much each of them means to me. **

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**FINALLY, my anonymous reviewer – lorist angela, you were the inspiration for this chapter, so thank you! **

**Now, on with the story,**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters, sadly... ****(((( however, gives me an opportunity to mess with them MUAHAAHAHAHAHAh **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 11: Webs **

**Sasuke's POV**

Have you ever felt like flying in the air? Have you ever known how it feels to be lifted up and then thrown down? Have you ever waited for something, wanting it to the brink of insanity and then discovered that you would never have it?

_Dear Sakura,_

_Writing the letters of farewell has never been my strongest point, so forgive me for my blunders... I have started and ripped apart more letters to you than I can actually count, because no matter how hard I try, I can never formulate my thoughts well enough, in a manner worthy enough of your attention..._

_On that fateful day I left the village so many years ago I thought I could do without the people I had there and that leaving would not be hard. I was wrong then and I know that if I tell you right now that leaving again today will be easy I will lie. I know that leaving village today, leaving behind you and the kids will be the hardest thing I will have to do, but this is what you asked for... for space, for the room to breathe without me, for cancellation of everything that we were, are and could ever be. And I am giving you this, because I do, even though I know you will not believe, love you enough to let you go._

_I am sorry Sakura... I am sorry for everything I have ever caused you. I will not state that it was unintentional, because I was perfectly aware of what I was doing, but never stopped. I had been hurt and tortured my entire life, having nothing but emptiness within me... and in some sick way; I believed that my relief would arrive if I could only hurt and deplore somebody else like they hurt me... you were just there, always and I knew that you were the one I could harm the most... and I did... my apologies are too broken, too late and you are too scarred to trust me, but you have to know that I will be forever grateful to you..._

_My heart no longer beats for revenge, anger or torture – it beats for your love, for the love of Ami, Lily and Itachi... _

_I will not leave them Sakura... never... they are my life, I will write to them and will see them at least once in a month... we can... figure something out, I hope. Please do not ban me from their lives, I beg you. _

_It's hard to decide_

_Hard to forget_

_And it gets much harder_

_To learn to regret..._

_They tell me my faults,_

_Tell me the drawbacks..._

_But what if I don't_

_Wish for repentance... _

_I just want to yell_

_And I want to scream_

_Forgive that I fell_

_In love in a beam..._

_Forgive me for this_

_Forgive please the heart_

_Forgive please the lips_

_That bruise with the want_

_Forgive please my words,_

_Forgive please my mind_

_Forgive please this poem_

_I beg you... be kind_

_Forgive that I have_

_Failed to be one_

_Forgive please for having_

_The flaws, you have none..._

_Forgive me for wanting,_

_Forgive the innocence _

_I was only growing_

_I knew not the better sense..._

_Forgive for the prayers,_

_Forgive for the layers,_

_Forgive the emotions,_

_Forgive the love potions..._

_Forgive me for shaking,_

_Forgive me for breaking..._

_Forgive me for lusting..._

_Forgive me for loving..._

_Forgive that I never_

_Have been so perfect,_

_Forgive that I never,_

_Deserved to be sheltered..._

_Forgive me for words,_

_Inked on this letter,_

_Just know its goodbye,_

_Wish you for better..._

_I just... I wrote this the other day... I was toying with words and the lines just came by... but I cannot help but say that this is goodbye Sakura... I wish you everything you wanted for us; because I know then you will be happy. _

_I am returning you my wedding band to care for, as a symbol of my heart, which you hold in your tiny fingers. Care for it as you have cared for my heart for so long and please once you will be ready, if ever to let me show you the passion and adoration behind the words that I write, bring your lips close to the band and I will be with you... _

_I love you..._

_With love, _

_Sasuke_

I run... I know that sun will set soon and before it does, I need to get to the Sand Village. Gaara and I have never been friends, so he surprised me when he made the proposal. He offered to shelter me if I agreed to be one of his shinobis. Naruto understood.

After yelling at me for an hour.

Ami cried.

Lily did not comprehend.

Itachi... he told me: "I am proud of your choice. Now I believe that you love mother."

And so I run... away from everything I have ever known, from everyone I have loved and still love.

**Sakura's POV**

The doorbell rings and I am not sure I can answer... I cannot stand the company it may hold. I got used to being alone too much to want to let anybody in. this transition, this phenomenon of me being alive when I believed to be doomed for death is still something I try hard to grasp. When I was jumping in front of that blade to protect Sasuke, I never thought of any chances of survival – I know, even now that had I died, I would be happier , calmer... the only thing that makes me happy to have survived are my children, but then again, Sasuke was getting on with them perfectly without me.

One thing I have always feared was the possibility of me being a failure. At first it was for the shame I felt whenever Sasuke would look at me and all I could read in his eyes was pity and fury for being a catalyst to every catastrophe the Team 7 faced... Then it was Naruto. He gave years of his life to fulfilling the promise he gave me and I was once again a drawback – helpless little girl, with no ability of protecting herself, hence the others. And then... It became my habit, my fear... The insurmountable terror of being not enough for Sasuke... then Ami and then twins. This terror that surrounded my entire being screamed at me to try for better, to strive harder so that I would not be an embarrassment to my new family.

I think I succeeded in this in the eyes of my kids. But Sasuke? I will never be good enough for him. So I let go... with no knowledge of the consequences... And here I stand, alone by choice, enflamed from tears which have been sucked inside my eyes, refusing to pour out and water my face with the salty bitterness.

It suddenly strikes me that I have yet to answer the door and I stand up with caution, my footsteps somewhat measured. After all, who could it be by the midnight? The door swings open as I unlock it and I find, to my great surprise, Tsunade standing there.

-Shishou?

-Hai Sakura! How are you dear? – she asks and I am forced to smile, because I cannot help it. Tsunade is known to be a woman who is harsher than the mountains she rips apart and yet, to see the motherly side of her, complete with wide concerned eyes and raised eyebrows, warms something within me. She is as much of my mother as she perceives me to be her daughter.

-I am fine Shishou, just... adjusting. Why won't you come in? I will make some tea...

-No Sakura, it is well past midnight and I have to hurry home to lie down for a bit so that I can be at hospital bright and early tomorrow morning. Besides, I will come in for chat tomorrow by lunchtime, but today I am here to give you something.

My eyebrows arch in surprise.

-Sasuke left it for you... – she whispers as she gives me an envelope, most likely containing a letter and a roundish object, which makes the otherwise smooth surface of the paper bump out.

-What do you mean left it for me?

-I think you should read it yourself Sakura...

-Okay... – I murmur as I withdraw the envelope from her.

-Sakura... before I leave... I just wanted to tell you something.

-What is it?

-It's about Sasuke, I-

-Shishou, I am sorry if I am being rude, but I do not want to hear anything about him. I am done with Sasuke, okay?

Tsunade sighs and closes her eyes, a sign of resignation?

-All right, your life, your choices, but as much as I hate that boy, I still believe you should have listened to him, he did deserve that much...

...Before I can retort, she is gone and I am left to remember the morning I woke up after coma.

_**...Flashback...**_

_It is too bright... _

_Too bright..._

_Somebody close... ahh, water..._

_Water..._

_My lips are moistened. Water?_

_I try to open my suddenly-hazy eyes, but they seem too heavy. I battle with my lids... again and then once more and finally they flutter open and everything is so goddamn bright..._

_-Sakura... _

_Whishpers..._

_-Sakura..._

_God, again..._

_-Sakura..._

_I try to focus... It is so hard..._

_Get over it, force yourself my head screams..._

_-Kakashi? – I mutter and it seems that I have not spoken in years. _

_I look around only to find all white and the sick smell. _

_Hell, the smell is too familiar..._

_I am in hospital._

_But why? _

_The last thing I remember is mission... ambush and—_

_Fuck. _

_-Fuck! _

_-Sakura?_

_-Kakashi are you dead too?_

_-Sakura I am not dead and neither are you._

_-But..._

_-Shh... baby girl, all will be well. – he whispers. _

_-Kakashi what happened?_

_He closes his eye and reopens it once again. _

_-You have been in coma for four months Sakura. _

_-What? There is no way... it was only yesterd-_

_-No Sakura, it was more than four months ago. _

_-But then what about Sasuke and kids and..._

_-Shit, I hoped we would not have to take about that so fast._

_-What? What is wrong Kakashi, tell me now! Are my babies okay? Is Sasuke?_

_-Sakura, do not worry, kids are just fine, they just miss you, is all. Sasuke has been taking a good care of them. _

_I feel tears overwhelm me as Kakashi speaks. _

_-I knew he would. - I whisper._

_That makes Kakashi tick. _

_-Sakura how can you say shit like that about him? The man does not give a fuck and you are all over him and his fucked up ways... and even with you being out he... Shit. Fuck. Goddamn. I should not have said anything. _

_My eyes widen._

_-Kakashi what are you hiding from me?_

_He turns his back on me._

_-Sakura, I can't..._

_-Kakashi, tell me now!... – I demand. _

_-No, it's not my place really and..._

_I almost growl from frustration, but take a deep breath and try again. _

_-Look, Kakashi, I know that you may feel out of place discussing Sasuke in front of me, but I need to know, I just need to... please, Kakashi... please..._

_He looks at me, his eye pained, his forehead in a deep frown._

_-All right. – he stops to take breath. – Sasuke took you being in coma as a token for... freedom, one can say... – I feel my fingers shake... – he, well he... even though looked after children... he took to finding random women and well, having... affairs with them. – my heart clenches – and in the end, there was this one woman, Aoi and well they... they fell in love with each other, I know this because Aoi is my friend from one of the missions and well... Sasuke loves her... – I black out..._

_I wake up moments later to the drops of water being spread across the skin of my face. I find Kakashi standing over me, with self-loathing and concern embedded on his face. _

_But I do not care..._

_Not in that given moment, because all that runs through my mind is a phrase "Sasuke loves her... Sasuke loves her... Sasuke loves her..." it makes me shake with disgust and pain. I want to vomit and then drown. _

_He loves her._

_-Kakashi... is he going to... marry her?_

_Kakashi stares... long and hard. _

_-He cannot because of you. – he answers with shaky voice and I black out again. _

_As I come to consciousness my mind has already made decision. _

_I have to let go. _

_I did it physically, now it is time to do it emotionally. He deserves happiness and I will make him receive it from that woman one way or another._

_I clench my eyes to keep in the moisture as I hear the footsteps..._

_-Sakura..._

_The whisper is serene and tortured, like molten black chocolate._

_Sasuke. _

My hands shake as I grip the envelope. It has been three days since Tsunade brought it.

Three days.

My hands shake.

My jaw set.

I keep my breath in.

And the next thing I know the flames are eating away at the letter... the words scribbled at it forever a mystery.

The gold catches my eye and as I look closely, I can see wedding band similar to the one I carry on my finger deforming under the rough caresses of the flames.

Somehow, I am glad I did not read the letter.

I check on my babies once again before I stumble into the guest bedroom of the Uchiha Mansion. I am a guest after all...

But Sasuke demanded I stay here and he move out.

I still cannot bring myself to sleep in our old bedroom, which was just occupied by me by force, not for anyone's pleasure.

I undress and slip in bed, swallowing the two pills which will take me away from this universe until the dawn.

My head lolls to the side as I painfully slowly lose coherence.

And as I stumble into the world the boundaries of which blur with reality, I dream of the hushed prayers and my name whispered countless times by the voice too familiar, serene and tortured...

**Yup, **

**So that's all folks :D **

**Hope you liked it!**

**READ AND REVIEW! **

**Luuuv, (because srsly I have fallen in love with you anonymously)**

**Not Your Girl 555**


	13. Blurring the Lines

**Hello Readers!**

**After the long wait, I am Back!**

**Okay, now before we move to the actual chapter, I think I should answer some of your questions. **

**Firstly, the poem published in the previous chapter is mine as in I wrote it and I am honestly flattered that you would think it was some poet's creation, so thank you. If there will be any request, yes, I can include some of the others in the next chapters.**

**Secondly, no, this is not the only poem I have ever written. Roughly, I have around fifty of them written down. I know it is not much, but considering I only started writing poetry four months ago, I believe it is an okay amount. **

**Thirdly, yes, the story WILL end soon, actually I only have a few of the chapters left, three is a max and yes I am open to your suggestions for my next story. **

**Finally, I will be putting up a new document – in the form of the story, where I will have plots of the potential new stories, so that you can become familiar with them. I will put up a poll to determine which one I should start first and well, I will be welcome to your reviews as well. **

**I know a long A/N but PLEASE read it before going to the story!**

**Now on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto (sadly)**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 12: Blurring the Lines**

_**Sakura's POV**_

_-Sakura..._

_Hushed whisper..._

_-Come back to me..._

_Murmurs..._

_-Sakura... It's been too long... I dream of your touch and scent and I dream of your body surrounding mine... Sakura..._

_Whispers..._

_-You possess me... I want you, god damnit, I suffocate without you... Please just... I thirst, don't leave... Please... I beg you..._

_Desperate. _

_-Sakura... I love you..._

And I wake up. As have I every single day for the past month.

Panting

Sucking in the breath to my lungs just to keep my blood oxygenated.

Screaming in disbelief.

Crying out in pain.

The words he says... the unreal concepts he whispers. They kill me. I am tearing at my insides and draw blood in my guts as I clench my stomach, intent to let myself claw at my skin...

The words he says...

The words he says...

I'm becoming disillusioned... I am becoming a worshiper while he is my God... I am becoming a craver, while he is my forbidden fruit.

I had become accustomed to the inevitability of living alone, but his words... they are making the life without him unbearable.

I want him.

I want him back.

I hate myself for it, because I cannot support the decision I have made myself.

I decided to make him happy by letting go and I shall bear the consequences.

_**Sasuke's POV**_

_Her fingers are nimble as they make their way to my skin... her eyes are down and I don't like it._

_-Sakura..._

_-Yes?_

_Look at me. Now. _

_And she does and her eyes are full and now emerald with lust._

_There is hunger in her eyes. _

_The craving yet lacking the satisfaction._

_And fuck, I cannot bear no more. _

_-Bend over. _

_And she does. And in a moment I am right behind her, my dick buried inside of her to the hilt, taking her with raw lust, like a beast I am. _

_-Ahhh... Sasuke!.. – she screams as I pull on her pink locks. _

_I like it. _

_I like having her scream my name._

_So I pull harder._

_And she screams louder and the banter goes on until there is nothing more left in us and she has my cock in a vice grip of her pussy muscles and I am done. _

I am panting as my eyes snap open, making me clench my jaw tighter as the pale emptiness of the room came into view. I sprint off the bed, punching an anonymous object somewhere in the bedroom before making my way to bathroom. I breath heavily as I slide the door to the shower open, shivering as my feet touch the cold marble of the shower stall floor. My fingers slap against the wall in silent desperation as I try to make the hot spray of water wash off the arousal and loneliness from my fucking being.

Only it doesn't.

I am aroused and empty of feeling at the same time.

And this happens every fucking night.

Her curled around my body...

Her scent sucked in by every pore of my body...

Her fingers touching

Tongue probing

_Fuck._

I am hard as rock and I cannot bring myself to gain release, because I cannot.

Unless it is her I cannot receive the throes of ecstasy.

I need _her _to do it.

It is only half an hour later that I am out at the training ground – a deserted training ground. After all it is only four a.m.

-Sasuke! – the blond-haired man yells jumping straight at me off the tree.

-Dobe! What the fuck? Get the fuck off me! – I grind out in return.

Ugh with his fucking immaturity I always wonder how the fuck he managed to become a Hokage of Konoha.

_Ha! It's not like you did not vote for him..._

Fucking conscience.

-But teme! You don't have to be so mean! I just missed my brooding best friend...

Fuck Naruto.

Stupid dobe, always making me regret yelling at him.

Wait what?

Shit. Since when did I become a fucking pussy?

-Hn.

-Okay, fine be that way. Hm...and here I thought we could discuss some news about Sak...

And he is against the tree in an instant.

-Tell me now. – I growl.

-Oh, so now you listen. – he smirks.

-Nartuo... I am not in the mood of fucking around! – and I am not.

-Geez teme, chill okay? Come on, invite me for some ramen and sake and I may be bribed... – he sings.

I palm my forehead and groan.

Fuck him for being my best friend.

-Fine. – I finally grind out.

-Peachy.

Goddamn him.

We eat together. For the most part, as usual, he talks, while I sit and listen. He tells me about Hinata, about kids and about Konoha. I try not to be jealous when he speaks of the bliss he experiences every day with his family, but I cannot help but be envious of some bits and pieces. But overall, I feel proud of him, happy that at least one of us – lonely, abandoned souls found sanctuary in the other's arms. Not that I'd ever tell him.

-Sasuke... – suddenly his tone changes. In that instant he is not my blabbermouth best friend, no. the moment he locks eyes with me I see that he is a Hokage of Konoha right then.

-Yes?

-Sasuke, there have been rumors around the village. I am not aware of their truthfulness, but I thought that you still should know. That is why I came to visit you today.

I do not like the tone of his voice. It leaves the bitter taste in my mouth.

-What is it Naruto? Just spit it out...

-They say that Sakura has... – he sucks in a deep breath – romantic relationship with Kakashi...

What?

-What? – I growl.

-Well, there have been rumors that they have been detected together holding hands or kissing or something on numerous occasions and that Kakashi is often seen with Itachi, Lily and Ami...and...

He continues to ramble on, obviously nervous, but all my mind can process are certain words...

Kakashi

Sakura

Kissing

_My _children

_My _Sakura...

And I am out of my seat in the blur of milliseconds...

And I am leaving Naruto behind...

And I am running...

_**Sakura's POV**_

_Sakura..._

_Please love, please..._

_Come back to me... don't leave me..._

_I am so sorry..._

_I'll beg..._

_Please_

_Please don't give up on me..._

_I beg you..._

_Sakura..._

-Sakura? Helloooo?

What the?

-Huh? – is my genius reply.

-Sakura I asked you a question. For god's sake, where o you keep vanishing off to? La-la land?

Ino.

Always the same rude bitch.

But she's my best friend bitch.

I roll my eyes to cover up the mass of emotions his voice and the vision of the white hospital room have brought me.

-Yeah, off to La-la land, Oh my god! How did you guess? – I shot back sarcastically.

She laughs at me, but then she is suddenly extremely serious and I frown.

I wonder what she is thinking...

-Ino? – I question.

-Saku, I need to ask you something serious and I need you to be completely honest with me, okay?

-Of course Ino.

-Sak, I have heard some outrageous rumors in the village lately.

-Oh come on, Ino, not anither bunch of gossip! – I moan. She never gets tired of them.

-Wait, let me finish... the rumors were about you and Kakashi actually... – huh? – They say that you are having a love affair with him...

-What? – I explode. Why the fuck does anybody think that?

-So... based on your reaction, the rumors are a complete bullshit?

-Yes of course! There is absolutely nothing going on Ino... especially now with Sasuke and me and... just everything... – I whisper out his name, hating myself for being so weak...

-Sakura... I never asked before now, but this has been nagging me for a long time now...

-What is it Ino? You know you can ask me anything.

-Sakura... why did you end everything with Sasuke?

Truly, I am taken aback by the question. I always thought that Ino, of all people would know why.

-Before I answer, can you tell me why exactly are you asking me that question?

-Well, you know that I never have been a big fan of Sasuke ever since he returned and you two got married... – oh, that I did know... – truly, I hated him Sak and you know it. All he ever did was hurt you. After you married him you slowly started slipping away from this world, from us and suddenly I had my best friend no more... – she whispered, her blue eyes suddenly blurring...

-Ino... you never lost me, I swear...

-I am not so sure about that Sak... I... well that is not my point. Sasuke was ruining you and I hated him for it. We... we had a confrontation when he was visiting you in the hospital one day and I told him everything I thought of him.

And then it all started changing and at first I thought he was only bulshitting... but then even Tsunade was flabbergasted and when I spoke with her and she told me how every night he would come to you and how he forgot everything in his life except you and kids...

What was she talking about?

-Ino? – I hold my hand up, signing her to stop talking for a moment.

-What is it Sak?

-I am sorry, but I have no understanding whatsoever what it is that you are talking about.

-What do you mean?

-Ino, for all I know, Sasuke did not give a damn about my well-being while I was out.

-What the fuck? Who told you that?

-Kakashi did.

Ino's eyes grow big as saucers and suddenly she gasps.

-That son of a bitch! – she suddenly exclaims, confusing me even farther...

-Ino what is going on through that crazy mind of yours?

She is on her feet in a moment.

-Sak, I need to leave, I have to specify a few things, but I will talk to you tomorrow. If what I have just come up with is true, then you have made the biggest mistake of your life.

With those words in her wake, she leaves me encompassed in confusion in the Uchiha compound.

With children in bed after a few hours I ghost around the compound, my mind occupied by millions of thoughts concerning Ino's words.

It is undeniable, that had Kakashi told me anything about Sasuke's care of me I would have remembered. If Ino is right, then it would seem that Kakashi was lying, right?

But why would Kakashi do that? And moreover if Kakashi did lie, why did not anybody tell me something to contradict Kakashi's words?

As my mind races, I never come up with an answer to the first question.

However, after some time, something sparks in my thoughts.

I never did let anybody question my decision concerning fallout with Sasuke... in fact; I never let anybody speak of Sasuke in general.

Maybe I was blinded?

But the fact that Sasuke visited me in the hospital, hypothetically every night did not really eliminate Aoi's existence in his life.

Thinking that I should better stop the thoughts which are making my head ache floating in my head I sigh and make my way to the stairs, intent on taking my miracle sleeping pills and shutting off from the rest of the world.

The thought does not even seem to leave my mind as I am suddenly pressed against the stone wall of the compound.

My eyes search for the intruder as I see red eyes eliminating the otherwise dark area.

-Mine. – is all I hear as my gown is ripped off of my body and I give in.

**So here you have it!**

**I'd love to hear what you think!**

**Reminder: All the questions you asked are at the top A/N, so if you haven't checked it out READ please and tell me your opinion about the LAST point in your review!**

**R&R Please**

**Love, **

**Not Your Girl 555**


	14. Revealed?

**Hello Readers!**

**Firstly, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you out there! I wish you all the best in the world!**

**I am back after the long college hunt and I hope you like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 13: **

My dreams of being with Sasuke again after I woke up from coma had been persistent despite my severe tries to make them stop... Up against the wall with him sucking on my pulse point while I writhed was not how I imagined it would go...

-Goddamn...

He harshly whispers as the shreds of my dress hit the floor with absolute silence. I am left in my panties, with my bindings long gone as his eyes size me up with lust ingrained in the crimson hurricane.

-Mine.

He growls with possessive undertone as his fingers slide up my hipbones, pinching the flesh there with lack of any tenderness, but still managing to awaken the dripping lust in my veins.

Our lips mesh with the rough click of the teeth as my hands take hold of his pitch black hair pulling at it as much as I can, clawing at his scalp because damn, his mouth feels so delicious and familiar and so new at the same time. His hands are rough as they slip up my sides to my breasts as my nipples harden from the arousal and the chill of the environment.

-Fuck.

And suddenly his head is dipped and he draws one of my nipples into his mouth and suddenly my hands start to move automatically to the southern direction, intent on testing his desire for me. He is hard and ready and as he presses his arousal against me I involuntarily thrust my breasts out, giving him more space to suck at thrashing with abandon because fuck this all feels so damn euphoric...

-Kids... Bed...

I have no idea how I manage to choke out anything coherent but the next I am aware, I am in the bedroom with the lock clicked. We never make it to the bed, our hands too frantic... mine ripping at his shirt and pants with such force that they are shredded in an instant, leaving us in our underwear.

Rough kisses are trailed down my body, lips attached to my nipples as one of the rough hands trail down to my soaking panties, taking them off with surprising tenderness. My feet rip open with instinct as he caresses my throbbing womanhood, with reverence and then with roughness, making the unintelligible sounds spill from my lips. His mouth stops sucking on my breast for time enough to raise his head and murmur in my ear possessively.

-This is all mine. All mine, Sakura...

And then in a moment of my complete incoherence, suddenly his head is between my thighs and his tongue is lapping up at my slit like a starved animal that he has suddenly transformed into. I cannot even comprehend the sensations as they shoot right through my core, spreading to every pore of my crazed, thrashing body and I am flying then... shattering away in some place with so much force that I do not think my overdriven body can stand it anymore...

-Sasuke...

-Sasuke...

-Sasuke...

My whimpers are unintelligible as I ride out wave after wave of my orgasm... so good...

Before I can even set my movements straight, ma hands, with the instincts of their own grip the base of his cock, not even caring where the damn boxers went to. All I know is that I find him hard and ready for me, with a bit of pre-cum sliding down my fingers.

-Sasuke...

-Please... – I whimper in a needy voice and I cannot give a damn enough to care that I sound like a slut. If I can get him, I do not care.

-Sakura... – he growls over and over again, as the head of his cock teases my clit, as if testing – Sakura... You are mine and you will never let anybody else do this to you, do you fucking understand?

-Yes. – I hiss as I fill him press against me, the head of his erection effortlessly sliding inside of me.

Fuck, this feels indescribable.

-Ahhh...

-Fuck.

He pushes in all the way and suddenly I am stupidly overwhelmed, because despite the fact that we are on the floor, and his strokes are rough as my feet dig into his ass, his eyes are black and gentle and as his fingers move to tuck the stray of my pink locks behind my ear and off my face I am suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to let the salty bitterness spill over... the way he whispers my name... the reverence such a stark contrast with the force he is taking me with makes my sense go into the overdrive, finally driving me to the abyss of painful pleasure as I feel him orgasm inside of me...

I lose awareness to the lazy but soft kisses trailed down my collarbone. The sleep claims me right on spot, in the arms of the one man I have ever loved, but I cannot stop thinking how much this is all going to crush me once I wake up...

**Sasuke's POV**

Her eyes are closed as her body is humming, with her chest rising and falling in a graceful manner, her pink nipples exposed and pebbled as a consequence of the cold air in the room. Her body is half covered by the green silk of the sheets and although the color complements her skin in a way that I want to eat her alive... or eat her out again... fuck me... I hate that something, anything at all is covering up her indescribable beauty from my eyes.

She fell asleep almost the instant we finished making love, she must have been tired I deduced. The glaringly obvious bags under her eyes I noticed upon the closer inspection confirmed my suspicions – she had not been sleeping well. I do not even know what possessed me to do what I did – sprint all the way from Sand Village to Konoha, but when I processed what Nartuto had said... when the curtains before my eyes had become a scene of Kakashi kissing _my _Sakura, my senses were pretty much blinded.

I trail down my hand over the softness of her cheek and in the tenderness of the entire moment I realize that I cannot leave her again. Once was hard enough, but to turn my back on the happiness I feel with her again would be a blasphemy. I do not even want to stay here in the Uchiha compound, I do not even want to sleep with her – all I want is for her to give me a chance to go out with her sometime, so that we can start from being normal couple and then build up the rest gradually, but this time on a solid foundation. I will be everything she will allow me to be, I will make it up to her anyway I can...

I know that I started out in a wrong way, when I took her yesterday night – not displaying the ounce of patience, but from today on, I would go about it in a right manner.

-Sasuke... – she sighs and at first I think that she must be awake, but her eyes are still closed and her breaths even and somehow the smile tugs on the corners of my lips as I hear my name whispered from her plump lips.

Plump, rosy lips... Felt so good against...

Shit.

I am so fucked up.

I lean in and place a soft kiss on her lips.

-Mmmmm... – she hums and I chuckle lowly, she is too lovely.

And then her arms are around my neck and she is kissing me and it is nothing like yesterday, because her lips are rosy and delicious and oh-so so soft right now, with unhurried tenderness ingrained and yesterday was needy and rough.

-Sakura... – I sigh and bury my face in her neck breathing in her naturally exquisite scent, which makes me think of the field full of butterflies and lilies.

-Sasuke? –her voice is suddenly a mix of confusion and panic and my head snaps up to observe her.

Her apple-green eyes are wide as saucers as her lips are parted, staring at me with unreadable expression on her face.

Tears - that is the first thing I notice. I have never been good with tears and I have no damn idea what to do now so I just wrap my arms around her, holding the suddenly shaking body of my wife in my arms. _My wife. _I miss the status.

-You are really here? – she asks, her voice so low as if afraid to even ask.

-Yes baby girl, I am really here.

Then, the expression which pains me comes to her face. Her eyes cloud over and her lips set in a hard line, as if realizing the mistake she has committed.

-Sakura please...

-No Sasuke, you should leave... – her voice is suddenly so cold that I flinch away.

-But Sakura... what about yester-

-My mind was clouded with lust and it has nothing to do with our failed relationship.

-No Sakura, I am not leaving again, I am asking for nothing but a chance, okay?

-No there is no point Sasuke... what... what happened yesterday was a huge mistake. – she says, but her tone is unconvincing.

I do not give a damn I am not leaving.

-Look Sakura, listen to me, I am not turning my back on you again – never, you understand me? – I am standing up now – I know that I am the biggest asshole on the entire planet and that if I was your friend... I would probably advice you to leave the guy like me, but goddamn I am selfish because I love you and -

-Do not say that... – she whispers – please... I beg you.

-Don't say what?

-That... that you love me... please just...

-But, did you not read that on the letter I sent you? – I ask confused, surely she must -

-I... I burnt it... –she admits with a low whisper.

-What?

-I could not look at it... It was a farewell letter and then there was an engagement ring in it...

-Sakura... I... why did you ask me to leave? – Looks like there is more to the story than I am aware of.

-I wanted you to be happy... – she murmurs, looking up at me with the apple-eyes I have come to adore.

-But baby girl, I am happy when I am with you...

-But... what about Aoi? – She asks and I do not miss how she cringes upon saying the bitch's name.

-What about her? – I cannot even comprehend why the hell this conversation is turning to Aoi.

-Well, I thought... – and then as if the penny drops in her head, her eyes widen... – You... you are not in a relationship with Aoi are you?

.Fuck.

-What the fuck? – I exclaim, not even bothering to mask my emotions, because what she just said is level million ridiculous.

-Oh God... Oh God... Oh God... – she chants as she walks around the room, throwing on the clothes I would prefer gone, but damn this is not time to be a pervert and think about inappropriate things god damnit.

-Sakura... what is it? – I ask her as calmly as possible; trying to understand what the hell is going on here. It feels as if there is something major, some big secret I am obviously not a part of.

Before she can explain, there is a frantic bang on the door.

I wonder who it can be since it is only six a.m. but Sakura manages to outrace me to the door, all the while wearing the strangest expression on her face.

-Ino? – I hear her call out as soon as she throws the door open.

-Saku, God, I am so sorry for disturbing you so early in the morning... – the blonde sounds frantic – ... I swear I was goung to wait till tomorrow and Shika said that it would be better than to come banging at your door at two in the morning... and

-Ino... – Sakura says gently – what is it, you know you can tell me. Don't worry, okay?

-I am sorry Sak, I did not mean to ramble...

-Tell me Ino, what is it?

-Sak, what Kakashi told you about Sasuke and Aoi is an utter bullshit – Sasuke has never been in love with Aoi, they have not even slept together Saku, and all Sasuke did was care for you and Sasuke... he ... Damn it I never thought I'd have to spell it out to you... but he is nuts over you, but the problem here, I think is that Kakashi feels the exact same way...

That motherfucker. I am going to split him open.

**A/N: Thank you for reading this!**

**Once again, I wish you happy holidays! **


	15. Carpe Diem

**Hello to all of you who have stuck this far. I cannot put into words how sorry I am for an ungodly wait. I just had a really dreadful 6 months and for some time I did not even have an inspiration to write one sentence, mostly about love. **

**BUT, I could not leave this story and so here it is – the final chapter. **

**I want to thank all of you who have waited for this. **

**I hope you like it. **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Naruto is still Kishimoto's!**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Carpe Diem**

**Sasuke's POV**

I am out of the bedroom window faster than comprehension of the entire situation can dawn on me. All I see is the exploding scarlet rage in front of me and I know that I am going to act on it without a second thought. I am aware how much I fucked up with Sakura and I will spend the rest of my fucking life in regret for my complete idiocy. That is why I accepted Sakura's decision to move past the most fucked up thing in her life without any complaints. But I honestly thought it was a decision based solely on my past mistakes. However, to know that I could have held her to my skin for such a long time and to recognize in precision how much time I lost due to that scumbag when I could have been here, making up to my cherry blossom for every fucking tear she spilled because of me, infuriates me. I am going to kill that dick. He is not surviving this charade.

I stop seemingly after hours, my body begging me for the moment to regain the conscious thought. I know that unless I am fully functional, I will not be able to trace the dickhead's chakra. Looking around, I find myself stuck between a meadow and a forest, the meadow Team Seven used to train on a long time ago. We were all a dysfunctional family back then. Dobe being the knucklehead who understood my moody orphan self than I would ever admit. Sakura being the strange fangirl of mine, the strangeness generating from the unintelligible fact that I could stand to be in her presence. I craved her presence a little. And then there was Kakashi – a self-proclaimed parent to us all. I do not yet understand how the fuck that went in all the ways wrong but the hell if I am not going to find out.

I sense _his _chakra before I even managed to stop my strides. He is somewhere near. I can tell. True to my instincts, he is crouching on the next rooftop rails, seemingly indifferent. His hold on the rails gives him away. It is a brutal hold, enough to deform them, maybe they have changed their shapes already.

-Kakashi.

-Sasuke.

There is no more need for formalities between us. he was once my sensei, but right now we are equal ANBU level ninjas.

-I understand you are aware of my reasons for coming here? – I ask with my Uchiha copyrighted stoic tone of voice.

If there is one thing I have learned in my trainings as a ninja it is to remain nonchalant before bashing someone's head off.

-I do not understand, unfortunately. The only feeling I have right now is pleased, at seeing you.

Yeah, Kakashi goes by that philosophy too.

-I doubt that.

-Why, pray do tell?

-Because pleased people not accidentally crash the metals with their hold. It is usually the very furious ones trying to get their emotions out who do it.

-Sasuke, your haze concerning anything emotional has finally cleared. Congratulations.

Kakashi's tone is slightly disregarding and it boils my blood even more. I am scorching hot with the pent-up anger. The time to talk is over. There is nothing to converse about.

I take my battle stance and get ready to strike in milliseconds, but Kakashi does not miss a beat either. Being a motherfucker does not make him unskilled in the battle.

-Chidori!

I shout just as he does the hand seals and dodges it.

-Fire Style: Dragon roar! – Kakashi yells, but I am too quick for him

-Water Style: Aqua Oblivate Jutsu!

His face-cover is gone as we continue to throw all we have at each other, trying to erase one another from the face of the earth.

Kunais are thrown at me from different directions, destroying my shadow clones one by one.

My sharringan is activate as the battle gets fiercer. Kakashi does not wait to activate his mangekyou sharringan either. Soon enough not only a piece of the rail is destructed on the rooftop but the whole iron rail is thrown off its rightful place.

I am suddenly taken back to all those years ago, to that day when Naruto and I fought on the hospital rooftop.

I am doing the same now. Fighting my own comrades. But when I was fighting Naruto, he was innocent. We just had the crazy, childish competition. But now... now everything is different. Kakashi tried to mess with the best thing in my life.

And fuck if I will let him continue doing so anymore.

-You bastard! Messing with me and Sakura. So you thought you were just going to mess us up and then have her all to yourself?

I am out of breath with all the activity I am having.

-And you deserve her? You fucked up her entire life Uchiha!

That stings because it is true. Kakashi, however had no business remedying mine and Sakura's lives.

-I know that I fucked up! I know what I did and every moment of every day I am regretting it. You know how it is to live in regret Kakashi, do you not?

I have no idea what causes it but we stop. Bloody and out of breath we stare at each other, sizing up one another's intentions.

-I know how it is Uchiha. I understand too fucking well and the hell I have been through? You fucking deserve it! Sakura needs someone who will care for her more than for their own life.

-And that someone is you?

-I believe so, yes! – Kakashi has the nerve to claim.

-Chidori! – I bellow and maybe it is from my extreme anger that the lightning is extremely precise and purposeful, maybe from skill, but all I know is that it hits Kakashi's stomach, radiating through him.

In the slow motion I see his body fall.

...And everything is pristine blank.

* * *

-When will daddy be awake momma?

-Be quiet Lily, he needs to rest.

-Tachi! Stop being a know-it-all!

-Mom! I think he is waking up! – it is Ami's voice. My big girl... missed her so much.

I try to open my eyes as I realize that consciousness has begun to surround me. They are too heavy, so it takes me several tries to coax them open.

There are three pairs of apple-green and a pair of onyx staring at me.

My whole family.

-Daddy, daddy!

It is Lily who reacts first, jumping at me, followed closely by a beaming Ami.

My baby girls are all over me, kissing and hugging, emanating the warmth they have gotten from her beautiful mother.

Itachi is a bit hesitant. His mature attitude never ceases to flabbergast me. Finally, he seems to decide on something and with a determined face he shakes my hand, and then hugs me.

-I missed you Dad. – He murmurs in my ear and then looks around, making sure nobody heard him.

-Mama, is daddy going to come lib with us agwain?

I look up at Sakura, my face probably hopeful and vulnerable.

-Well, if daddy so wishes he may.

Her voice is so soft and full that I am ready to burst out of the hospital bed with happiness.

-Sakura... Thank you.

I repeat the words that are so familiar, but only to our ears.

She takes my hand and for the first time in so long I feel at peace.

* * *

-Sakura? – I ask with my voice hesitant.

-Yes Sasuke-kun?

We are at the kitchen, preparing dinner. Well, she is the one preparing, I am mostly watching, because she won't let me touch anything.

"_You'll burn the kitchen down Sasuke-kun, the only thing you know to prepare is a tomato sandwich"_

Her words, not mine.

-Sakura, what happened to Kakashi?

Sakura freezes for a second, enough for me to notice it, and then goes back to cutting the greens nonchalantly.

I have been hesitating to ask this question, since I do not know if I want to hear an answer, but it has to be asked someday, so why not now?

-Sasuke-kun... that day on the rooftop, I was the one who found you. Kakashi was only half-alive and you were unconscious, but without any prime injuries. I... there was nobody else there and if Kakashi was not aided soon enough then he would die... And Sasuke, I was so mad at him... so mad, but he was our mentor, our sensei and one of Konoha's most valuable ninjas. I could not let him lie there and drain of life...

Sakura trailed off, letting me absorbed the new information. So she healed him.

-You healed him, right?

-Yes Sasuke I did and I am not sorry for it. – she looks determined, fierce and ready to defend herself.

She needn't.

-I am not going to strike you for doing a kind thing Sakura. I was angry at Kakashi as well and at one point I did want him dead, but not right now. As long as he stays away, I am not going to cause him anymore harm. I respect his skills, but he does not get to meddle with my life or, my wife.

-I agree with you there, Mr. Uchiha... –Sakura says in a low, seductive voice.

-You do, huh? – I reply distractedly, focused on her hands which are massaging my biceps and her lips, which are painfully closing in on my view.

I want her so fucking much.

-Momma, is the dwinner weady?

Sakura pulls away just as Lily rounds the corner.

-The dinner will be ready in few minute's time. Why don't you kids go wash your hands meanwhile?

-Okay momma!

* * *

**Sakura's POV**

I get a mini heart attack as I realize that we were almost caught. I feel like a teenager. Sasuke has been nothing but caring, soft man these past days. I have never been so happy.

I hear the doorbell ring, then an excited squeal and then...

-Ohh! I can smell Sakura-chan's cooking!

Naruto.

-Dobe. – Sasuke acknowledges.

-Teme. – Naruto shoots back.

It has become a term of endearment for them. I smile.

Hinata and Naruto both hug me and I feel Sasuke's eyes narrow when Naruto touches me. Leave it to him to be jealous of his happily married, best friend.

Having dinner as a family is nice.

I laugh as Naruto and Sasuke bicker every two minutes.

I sigh with reverence as I feel one of Sasuke's hands make their way to mine and caress my skin softly.

It is a fun night full of love and I have a faith that it is one of the many to come.

At the end of the evening though, I am guiltily pleased to be left alone with my husband. With Naruto and Hinata gone, and kids put to bed the house is completely empty and glaringly full of sexual tension.

Sasuke kisses me with reverence now, with soft abandon. There is no aggressiveness there, or no unbridled lust.

This time it is all the love carved in his every kiss... every touch. His every caress speaks volumes of how he missed me. I answer with reassuring pecks on every inch of his body that the feeling is mutual and that I need him right here, with me...

The euphoria of him moving within me never fades. The motions are soft, but the feelings we share are wild. That is the source of ecstasy – the contradictions clashing with each other.

I reach my peak and fall of the mountain with a tremendous speed. My eyes are burning with the fall and my skin is on liquid fire. Soon enough I can feel him following, his being absorbed in mine, or mine in his... I do not seem to care.

There are cries cutting the air... the cries, some mine, some his – embodying our names and only.

And it fills me.

Your whispers in my skin...

"-Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Bitter sweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

It was love all along,

And breathing in the air

Touching of his hair

Becomes the oldest song

Certain as the sun

Rising in the East

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme...

-You're my beauty; I'm your beast... "

The End

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**Okay, **

**So comments? Loved it? Hated it? **

**Leave me a review! **

**Love, **

**NotYourGirl 555**


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